Ok… victim shaming perhaps isn’t quite the right word. But you (plural) clearly don’t (fully?) believe Dawes’s story, and your stated reason is that it sounds like self-promotion.
I don’t see the contradiction. Of course she’s going to promote her own gym during the Olympic cycle. It would be stupid if she didn’t. But your claim, if I’m understanding correctly, is that leading with the survivor angle is… a lie? Opportunistic? Free press she wouldn’t otherwise get?
Please do correct me if I’m misunderstanding, but my read of what you’re saying is that she had a great relationship with Kelli Hill, then turned around and backstabbed her not because time and motherhood made her realize how abusive the prevailing gymnastics culture actually was, but because she made a calculated business decision to ride the survivor gravy train?
Ok, having (I hope) understood your points, let me make my own.
First off, I really wish I could read through old wwgym threads so I could direct-quote instead of paraphrasing. But FlyingRobin has described multiple times her firsthand observations of elite training at Hill’s. There’s no escaping the sarcasm and yelling, even if perhaps there wasn’t, say, the physical abuse of Twistars. I’m not in a position to know why Dawes hasn’t directly mentioned Hill’s but her so-called vague accusations certainly seem to me to be congruent with what FlyingRobin described. I find Dawes’s description of the culture utterly believable based on what I’ve learned from the old wwgym board. (I say this as a casual fan who wandered in to learn the names of the moves, not to acquire in-depth knowledge of Geddart, Haney, the Fongs, KZB, and all the other “clearly worse than Kelli Hill” coaches.)
But now let me say two things, as a parent of a five-year old and a one-year old.
I have a decent relationship with my parents and have forgiven a lot over the years. But there are absolutely aspects of my own upbringing that I would now describe — privately, to myself — as verbally and emotionally abusive. I have no interest in punishing my parents or proving my accusations to anyone, even my husband. But I would never, ever, even internally in my own head, have used the word “abusive” until I had kids myself. So this part of Dominique’s story absolutely rings true to me. There’s shit you’re conditioned to accept for yourself (that I deserved the yelling and screaming and endless narcissistic monologues) that you suddenly realize you won’t tolerate for your kids.
Do I love my parents? Yes. Would I ever publicly call them out? No, not in a million, trillion years. (I’m banking on anonymity in typing this out here.) But did having kids of my own force me to recognize, decades after the fact, that aspects of their behavior were abusive? Yes. I spent decades convinced that I didn’t deserve better, but I knew from the jump that my kids deserve better. Motherhood does change you in that way. That part of Dawes’s story is utterly believable to me.
Which brings me to my second point. As a parent whose kid used to take kiddie gymnastics lessons before the pandemic, I simply don’t believe that there’s a survivors gravy train to be ridden. Learning that Hill’s and all other Maryland gyms are toxic wouldn’t make me pick Dawes’s gym for my kid. It would make me pick another sport entirely. If Dawes wanted to get my kid into gymnastics beyond the toddler level, she’d be much better off talking up the Magnificent Seven and how wonderful it was to be an Olympic gold medalist and how she can make your kid into one too. The fact that she’s not taking that angle is proof, to me, that she’s telling the truth about her own lived experiences. (Which, in turn, doesn’t invalidate the lived experiences of those who’ve experienced much worse abuse with much less payoff.)
I mean, thought experiment. Let’s posit for a moment that Dawes really did have a delayed reaction in seeing what she went through as abuse, and that the revelatory moment was brought on by motherhood. What exactly would you expect her to be doing differently from what she’s doing now? Not self-promote? Not tell her story? Lie low during the Olympic cycle? If your argument solely rests on grounds of “if this was all true, why didn’t she say so earlier”… “ well, that is a form of victim-shaming. Many survivors don’t come forward immediately, and one of the biggest reasons is that they normalized it and didn’t recognize it as abuse until much later.
Is it possible that I’m wrong, that the survivors gravy train does exist, and that she’s coldheartedly riding it? I mean, sure. But from an Occum’s Razor perspective, I’m much, much more inclined to believe the simpler explanation, which is that she’s telling the truth at the time in her life when the truth became clear to herself.