Unwilling routine - Book summary

[Amber]

• Gerrit is angry with Simone and drags her to an empty room where there is no one cursing loudly. He pushes her with her back against the wall. He is standing right in front of her, against her, with his fists clenched to the left and right of her ears against the wall. He is bent over her, screaming loudly in her ear. She is stuck and has nowhere to go, there is no end to his screams. Inside she is panicking, outside she is shocked. She doesn't care what he says, she just wants him to be done. Nothing comes to her anymore, she doesn't react to anything and stands like a statue, but one from which thick tears drip. She barely dares to breath. Not reacting, makes Gerrit even angrier, but she just cannot respond anymore, she can only shut down to protect herself. Her brain has a short circuited, her body is blocked. "Goddammit," he screams loudly in her ear. She hears the sound of his fist pounding hard against the wall beside her ear. Gerrit sinks to his knees until he is squatting on the ground in front of her. He grabs the other hand with one of his hands, makes a soft moaning sound, and then continues shouting insults at Simone. Then he gets up and storms out of the classroom, cursing loudly. Simone stands frozen against the wall. She hears someone coming toward her and panics. Crying, hyperventilating, and completely confused, she runs to the restroom and locks the door behind her. Marja is banging on the door from the other side. "Open up!" she shouts angrily. "For god's sake, open that door! Gerrit needs to go to the hospital and it's your fucking fault!" Simone is too afraid to open the door, but Marja keeps banging and cursing. The longer she keeps the door locked, the angrier Marja becomes. Eventually, she opens the door anyway. "How the hell could you let it come to this! Gerrit has to go to the hospital, and you get your way." Simone is very confused by these words. Why did she get her way? How can Marja think of her like that? Marja is the only human factor in her life. She has such a huge need for an adult to put an arm around her and tell her that everything will be okay. Something cracks in Simone.

 

[phoenix7]

I have been wondering what on earth the financial arrangements were. I wonder if Simone's parents really weren't paying or if that was just to make her uncomfortable?

 

[Amber]

Knowing Gerrit it was just to intimidate her but TBH I am not sure about that. gerrit was being paid by the club that hired him in Germany, earlier in the Netherlands he was first paid by Wilskracht, that Simone and Vanessa were members of. later he was being paid by the Dutch gymnastics federation as the junior team coach. when this played I was too young to be interested in the financial stuff. i don’t even know if Stasja paid for her membership of Turning Spirit, I know my parents sure did, and they were not cheap

 

[Amber]

• Simone is focusing on the upcoming important competition, an international one: The Delta Sport Cup in Zierikzee, which is also a qualifier for the Junior European Championships, the next goal. The competition goes smoothly, and although she makes a major mistake on the uneven bars, she easily comes in first and even beats the Russians. The next day, articles about Simone appear in all the national newspapers with headlines like "Heitinga Masterful" and "Simone Heitinga, a Class Apart." Simone reads one of the articles, it says: Gerrit Beltman has never seen Heitinga perform such a strong competition. "She has achieved her first goal: qualification for the Junior European Championships. We train 36 hours a week; now people in the Netherlands will probably claim this is child abuse again, but does she look bad or does she not enjoy gymnastics? Simone finds it strange to read this. Her first goal? Simone doesn't think in goals; she just does what Gerrit orders her to do. And 'enjoying gymnastics?' Simone wonders if really nobody notices that she is utterly unhappy and absolutely does not enjoy gymnastics? She feels so powerless, another piece of her crumbles away again. She still prays every evening for a serious injury.
• The Youth European Championship is approaching. Gerrit makes strict schedules with 41 hours of training per week. On some days, Simone trains three times. She has one day off per week, and a travel day during which she spends eight to ten hours in the car on the way to the Netherlands, a competition, or to a training camp, unfortunately counts as a day off. Meanwhile, she is increasingly experiencing back pain, and the pain is becoming more intense. After having trained intensively for several weeks, she can barely walk normally anymore, so she has to tell Gerrit. She tells him while they are in Romania for an international competition. Gerrit decides to withdraw her as a precaution, as more important competitions are coming up. Once back in Germany, she just has to continue training, as the Youth European Championships are soon approaching.
• Before the Youth European Championship, they are going to a training camp in Kienbaum. It feels like she’s going to a penal camp; for the next eight days, she will not leave this area. Because this is a training camp, her usual free Saturday is canceled. So she doesn’t have a single day off in two weeks. Her whole body is overloaded, everything hurts, and she is extremely tired. Her mind isn’t fully in it, but she has to keep going. When she has to do a handstand press on two parallel bars, she collapses down, landing on the tips of her toes, which bend on the concrete floor. Crack! Simone and Gerrit hear it. He is angry and takes Simone to a separate room so the physiotherapist can examine her. He says her toes are bruised. He gives her a bag of ice to put on her painful toes. "Do you realize that you are putting your participation in the Youth European Championship at risk?" Gerrit says angrily. "Stay sharp!"
• The problems with her back are getting worse. The jumps she has to make are hardly possible for her because of the pain. At every take-off and landing, she feels sharp pains. It is not a dull pain that she could potentially push through. These are strong stabbing pains, and sometimes she collapses through her left leg. Gerrit therefore decides to remove her double screw on floor exercise from her routine. The pain persists; every training session is a path of suffering. A day before they leave for the Junior European Championships in Geneva, Gerrit takes her to a doctor. She has to partially undress and lie on her stomach on the treatment table. "Just point to where it hurts," Gerrit says. She rubs her hand over her entire back and left hip. "Around here," she says. She doesn’t know exactly where the pain comes from; everything hurts. Suddenly, she feels something sharp in her back, the doctor injects something! She is terrified; she doesn’t even know what he is injecting, he could have at least told her that! What was that? She asks Gerrit when they are outside again. "An anesthetic."
• During the podium training in Geneva, it becomes clear that the anesthetic hasn't helped at all. It is torture for her to do her floor exercise. Vaulting also hurts tremendously. She can barely walk down the little stairs from the podium without pain. With every step with her left leg, she feels a sharp pain. However, she tries to keep her face composed. She knows Gerrit gets angry if she shows how much pain she is in. One more step, she steps with her left leg and feels an intense jolt of pain and collapses through her leg, yet she tries to keep her face composed. "Do you have to walk down the stairs again with such a stiff face?" Gerrit thunders. "Do you have to, for god's sake, show everyone how pathetic you are? You are negatively affecting your position with the judges! What could they possibly think of you?" Gerrit is also extremely angry at her because he thought her floor exercise didn't look good. But despite the enormous pain, Simone tried her very best. On the morning of the competition, the physiotherapist comes to her room to treat her. She can hardly get out of bed because of the pain, but she will have to. She just hopes that the physiotherapist has miracle hands. He massages her for over half an hour, but there’s nothing else he can do for her.