Off Balance: A Memoir
By Dominique Moceanu with Paul & Teri Williams
Copyright 2012
Chapter 1: Sisters
Discovering Jennifer
Having traveled the world, won an Olympic medal, and won a court battle with her parents before she was 17 made her hard to surprise, but discovering Jennifer was a surprise
Found out Dec 10, 2007, while 9 months pregnant and about to take her college semester finals–had promised herself she was going to get a college degree
Earlier in the week had missed the delivery of a piece of certified mail
From day one as a gymnast, she'd been taught to be prepared at all costs, but that day she was unguarded
Picked up the letter hoping she wasn't being sued. Instead there was a letter: I've known my whole life I was adopted…and that my biological last name was Moceanu
Jennifer was given up by her parents for adoption in 1987. She hadn't gotten the details of her birth and the names of her biological family until she was 16, and then she waited four years to contact Dominique directly
"I feel that I have one chance to show you and prove to you that I'm not some crazy person…I'm sure after seeing all of the papers you'll see that I'm serious"
Thought back to being six, trying to imagine if her mother had been pregnant, if she hadn't noticed.
The girl in the pictures looked exactly like Dominique's sister Christina.
Had been an only child until she was 8. Her parents, Romanian immigrants, had struggled to provide her with a better life. They spent every penny on her training, her dad ("Tata") often working multiple jobs. Was a serious gymnast by 7, was regarded as one of America's hopefuls by 9. Receiving her Olympic gold was confirmation her parents' sacrifices weren't in vein
Call her mom
"Did you give a baby up for adoption in 1987?" Silence.
Had longed for sibling as a young child–Christina coming home was one of the happiest days of her life
"Yes, it's true." Had always been close to her mother and thought she knew everything about her–this created an immediate and sudden distance between them
Didn't understand why they would give away one baby and keep Christina
Might have expected something like this from her salesman father, but never her mother
Both of them were crying
Mother wanted to tell and almost did many times, but she couldn't find the words
Felt betrayed, angry, sad, deceived, vulnerable
Was able to keep communicating with her mother; couldn't bring herself to speak to her father for weeks, knowing he was probably responsible. He'd played a key role in almost all the painful moments in her life
Father was an old-school Romanian. Ruled the house with an iron fist. Decisions were made by him, obeyed, and not questioned
Clashed with him frequently as a teen, but had never been really angry with her mother like this before
Home life had been turbulent at best because of Tata's rage and tantrums, often finding themselves hiding in separate rooms. They were always walking on eggshells. Never understood his rage as a child
Things had started to soften at the time she received Jennifer's package. He had had a rare form of eye cancer that shifted the dynamics of the relationship. But all the frustration and alienation returned when she learned this secret
Her Parents' Stories
Father
They were very poor and struggled to put food on the table
Jennifer was born with no legs, and the doctors said they wouldn't be able to afford the medical bills—they had no money and no insurance
That was it–no more details than that
Mother
She got one ultrasound in the pregnancy. They had no insurance and she had not even seen a doctor prior to that
Saw how the technician looked at the ultrasound and knew something was very wrong, but they wouldn't say a word and she left the clinic scared. No one told her the problem
Months later, when she went to the hospital to deliver she had a c-section. She was given full anesthesia and woke up with a fog but no baby
Father said the little girl had been born with no legs. Mother never got to see her, hold her, touch her, smell her. She wanted to, but Dmitri said they had to give her up and that was that
They never looked back because it was too painful
He never asked how she felt. It was a horrible time in her life. She cried in the empty streets, and no one noticed.
In her family's universe, the story made sense. Her father controlled her mother; she had no friends or family and spoke limited English. She depended on him completely, which was how he liked it
Fell under communist rule in 1947 after King Michael was driven into exile. Her parents grew up under the dictatorship of Nicolae Ceauşescu who rose to power in the 1960s and ruled until the Romanian Revolution of 1989
Romania's economy fell apart under Ceauşescu's reign, leaving most citizens starved for food, work, and hope while Ceauşescu himself lived lavishly
The secret police (the Securitate) regulated every aspect of daily life, from who could have children to who could have a typewriter. Human rights violations were legendary
Engagement party
November 1980 her parents had an engagement party. Her father's family presented a dowry of a few wool dresses, a gold cross, and a handfull of other gifts in exchange for her mother's hand in marriage
At 19, Camelia married Dimitry, a man she'd never met and only seen in a photograph. She had no say in any part of the wedding. She wasn't completely opposed–options for a young woman in Romania were pretty bleak–but she felt like a pawn
Her father's family made a 350-mile journey from Bucharest to her mother's home in Dudestii Noi for the engagement ceremony. Her father was not there. He had been in America looking for work,but he was denied a visa to leave the country for the celebration .
So he could see what his bride looked like, the Moceanus announced that they would bring a professional photographer to the celebration to take formal pictures of her mother. Because it was a wedding, her mother was able to splurge on a salon and got her hair styled.
The photographer never showed up, and no explanation was ever provided. Her mother felt alone
"Beautiful, smiling Camelia" did not dare voice or hint at her disappointment. She was the product of a Romanian upbringing. The youngest of her siblings, she was born October 19, 1961 in Timişoara. Romanian women were expected to know their place in society. A woman's role was exclusively in the home as a wife and mother; subservience, obedience, and unquestioning loyalty to the husband were musts. She was taught most importantly to never bring shame to the family or the man who was the head of the household. Period.
Mother's Family
Her father (Dominique's Papu) was Spiru Staicu. Born on the border between Albania and Greece, he was an old-world disciplinarian who expected obedience and made all household decisions, big or small
He lacked higher education but was an avid reader and liked books about history, geography, and the Bible. He seemed to make a conscious decision not to get close to the children–she cannot remember him ever showing warmth or affection, but can remember his explosive temper
He met her grandmother (Maia), Domenica, later him life and they immediately started a family. She had brothers Nelu ad Mircha and a sister Katarina. Before her mother was born, Nelu climbed on a tractor in the fields and began to play around. He didn't notice Mircha behind him struggling to climb up on the huge machine–he fell and his head hit a rock, dying instantly at 5 years old. Maia was so overcome by his death she convinced Papu to have one more child, Dominique's mother.
They lived on a small farm in Dudestii Noi, just outside Timişoara. They tended sheep to make milk, feta, and wool to sell at local markets. It supported the family during the early 60s before Ceauşescu came to power
The plains and hills and small village were a wonderful playground for small child, and the kids would play Hide and Seek and One and a Life, which is similar to dodge ball.
Gymnastics
Romania is well known for its passion for competitive sports, especially soccer and gymnastics. Nadia 1976 story, complete with the board showing her score as a 1.0
Nadia's performance helped catapult gymnastics' popularity on an international scale, and she became a household name across the globe–she's still one of the most famous gymnasts in the history of the sport
Mother was a natural athlete and loved all sports, but track was her favorite. She was accepted in to the competitive High School of Sport, one of a very few. But her father decreed she wouldn't go, because it was improper. He refused to pay for further education or athletic career of a daughter–her role was in the home
Papu decided that once she finished 8th grade she would move to Bucharest to live with her brother Nelu and his wife Nina and complete high school there. She would not be permitted to attend university–after high school she would be paired with a man and married
Paternal grandfather, Stere Moceanu, arranged for his oldest son Dimitry to marry her mother, who was radiantly beautiful with silky black hair, dark eyes, smooth olive skin, and a slender hourglass figure. Dominique remembers her mother being literally head turning when she was a child.
Mother was not vain and did not consider herself above ordinary. And like any "good Romanian woman" she had an unwavering work ethic
Wedding and early married life
Finally met in December 1980, a few weeks prior to the wedding. She had at this point seen a murky photo of him
Married January 28, 1981 wearing a long-sleeved crimson dress in Sérres, Greece, with no parents or family members present. She appeared calm and confident
According to her mother, it happened very quickly. After a brief stay in Greece they boarded a plane for the US
After watching her parents' marriage, Dominique told her mother at a young age that she would pick her own husband, even if Tata insisted
Now understands the adjustments involved in being newly married as two people used to doing things in different ways have to come together, and how small things have the potential to become issues, but it's tempered by the fact you're doing it with someone you love. She can't imagine how scared her mother must have been
Tata always believed his dreams would come true in America–living and thriving in Romania was becoming increasingly harder
She specifically remembers the joy of the day Ceauşescu's regime collapsed on December 22, 1989 (he was executed by firing squad three days later). A new era of economic and political reforms was ushered in, and Romania made a positive transformation and experienced growth as a democratic nation. Despite this, Tata never spoke about wanting to return
Their flight landed in New York and they took a bus to Hollywood, where they could stay with her father's brother Costa. Tata was one of four–older sister Maria, older bother Iani, older brother Costa, and then Tata. They were all born in Romania, mostly in Constanța and spent their childhoods in Bucharest
Shortly after arriving in California her mother's belief she was pregnant (suspected before they even left Greece) was confirmed. They had no money, no home, and didn't speak the language. Tata took off jobs, anything he could get to make money. He found steady work in a cafeteria of an English-language school. They bought nothing by absolute essentials and in a good month is was just enough
They stayed with Costa and his wife at first, but it was very tight quarters, and after a few months they moved out and were mostly transient, staying with various friends or sleeping in their Volkswagen Beetle until they found a new place
Her mother wanted to return to Romania, but she knew her husband didn't consider it an option. She cried every day, careful to hide it from Tata, and turned to prayer for comfort
Her mother relied exclusively on her father's advice and approval for everything-she was an inexperienced and sheltered teenager who had grown up on a farm. She read to learn about her new culture and learn the language, relying heavily on a Romanian-English dictionary. She also watched children's shows to help
Prayer was the only form of health care she received through her pregnancy, never visiting a doctor before the birth. They had no health insurance and didn't really understand the risks, complications, or really how pregnancy and childbirth worked
Their struggles brought them closer together as a couple, and her mother began to feel an attachment to Tata. She relied on him for everything. He didn't know much either, but he had more street smarts and basic survival skills
They saved enough to get a studio apartment just before Dominique was born, on Whitney Street just off Hollywood Boulevard.
There were no pregnancy complications and Dominique was born without birthing drugs. The only drama was when her mother was in labor–they had to try three hospitals before finding one that would accept an uninsured pregnant woman in active labor
Her father stayed in the waiting area and her mother only half understood the language, making do with broken English and gestures
Dominique was born Sept 30, 1981 at 1:27 pm weighing 7 lbs 6 oz. It was a quick, easy delivery.
As parent, Dominique better understands her parents' overpowering urge to give her everything the world had and then some. Both her parents determined in their own way to make her life count, and how their upbringing under Ceauşescu's regime and her mother's crushed dreams made them determined to give her everything they couldn't have
The line between what is best for a child and what the parent thinks is best for the child is often blurred
