Unwilling routine - Book summary

[Amber]

Simone (1991 - 1992)

• The National Championships are held in Den Bosch. Stasja wins first place on all events, Simone places second. Vanessa's arm is in a plaster, she dislocated her elbow doing a Tkatchev. They are on a training camp at Papendal. Vanessa is doing what she can, which is not a lot. Gerrit informs her that when her arm is out of the plaster, they will immediately start working on the Tkachev, Simone sees her sister become very pale and nervous.
• The last day of the season they spent at their home gym in Alphen aan den Rijn. The atmosphere is relaxed, they are all happy to get a break from training. After the training Gerrit pulls Stasja, Simone and Vanessa apart to have a conversation with them. "As you have probably heard, Marja has been offered a job to coach in Germany, we are moving after the holidays and we want to know if you are moving with us" Gerrit explains. Simone and Stasja look at each other, the only thing they are thinking about are the cute boys they met there. Without thinking, or knowing what the move to Germany entails, they agree to go with them.
• The next day they are packing their bags, as they will not return to their current housings. Simone is at Frank's house when the bell rings. When she opens the door Stasja is there. "Vanessa just quit gymnastics because of her elbow" Stasja says. Simone is stunned by the news, she realizes that she will have to move to Germany without her sister, which is not what she wants at all. If her sister is not doing gymnastics anymore Simone sees no reason to continue. She however realizes that now that Vanessa has quit, Gerrit will never let her go!
• During the holiday Simone tries to talk to her parents about not wanting to go to Germany. Her father tells her that it is her decision to make. They do not understand the power Gerrit has over her, she does not have a choice, Gerrit will just make her go. The only way for Simone to get out of moving to Germany is if her parents refuse to let her go. After the break they spent a week on Papendal. Trainings are tough as it is just Simone and Stasja. Gerrit tells them that when they have moved to Germany that they will only attend a few hours of school each week so they have more time to focus on Gymnastics. Simone does not like this at all, she likes school. Stasja doesn't care, her life revolves around gymnastics but for Simone school is important. She really does not want to go. She will have to tell Gerrit but she is scared to. She knows he will be very angry. Gerrit can see the trouble coming and starts teasing and bullying Simone so she is even more scared to tell him, but she knows it is now or never. "I don't want to go to Germany" Simone softly says. Gerrit starts yelling and cussing but Simone stands her ground. Stasja, who is training on floor supports her. "You cannot force her if she doesn't want to go" She tells Gerrit. He walks to the door and orders Simone and Stasja to come with him. He takes them to the office, Simone's heart is racing, she is scared and very happy that Stasja is with her.
• "Sit!" Gerrit orders. Stasja and Simone sit down on chairs across from him. He throws some money at them. "Get out! See how far you come. You both are nothing without me" Gerrit yells. Simone sits there frozen, the bomb of anxiety inside of her is about to explode. She doesn't know what Gerrit expects of her, is he serious? He is still yelling at them and angrily gives various reason why he won't allow Simone to quit. Simone figures that this is the first time that they are having an actual conversation. Simone hopes Stasja will convince Gerrit that he cannot force Simone to go to Germany if she does not want to. She needs Stasja for this, she is no longer able to stand up for herself. She can only repeat that she really does not want to go. Gerrit continues to holler at them and in the end they are no match for him. It is clear to Simone, she has to move to Germany.

Germany

• After an eight hour drive they arrive at the "Haus der Turnerinnen" where some German gymnasts live. Yvonne, who is 14 and Bianca, who is 16 live there. Stasja and Simone will be sharing a room. "Unpack and I'll pick you up in an hour to go to the gym" Gerrit says. The trainings are extremely tough, they now train 40 hours per week. Simone can't handle this, she is so sad and desperate, she has persistent pains in her heart and has to try very hard not to cry. Yvonne and Bianca go to school during the day, Stasja and Simone are still not going to school at all. During the weekends, the German gymnasts go home. Simone and Stasja spent their weekends at Marja an Gerrit who live in a tiny apartment in the "Haus de Turner" . Gerrit took it upon himself to teach them German so that eventually, they can go to school. Every week Simone is looking forward to Saturday, the only day off they have. She prefers to do nothing and just sit on the couch, preserving her energy for the trainings. After a couple of Saturdays on the couch Gerrit gets angry. "Go do something, you sit there on the couch doing nothing all day, go out, go do something". They really don't know what to do. They are in a strange country, they don't speak the language and they don't know the area. "I'll take you to the swimming pool" Marja offers. It is sweet of her but Simone doesn't feel like swimming. The chlorine burns on the irritated eczema spots she has all over her body. Gerrit said that the eczema spots are caused by stress. He might be right as Simone is stressed out 24/7. As they cannot think of anything else to do, they go swimming. The week after, Stasja has a better idea: shopping! Marja explains how they can get to the city center using public transportation and from that day on Stasja and Simone go there every Saturday. It feels good to be by themselves and not have coaches watching their every move. Their only real reason for shopping is: eating! They buy candy and even go to McDonalds a few times.

I will continue Stasja's story now as Simone describes some important events that happen to Stasja.

 

[Amber]

Stasja (1992-1993)

• In the first week of the summer holiday Stasja's father is released from the hospital. Stasja is very happy that she still has some time to spent with him. Stasja tells him that Gerrit is moving to Germany and that she has to join him, or she won't have a coach, until she can go to America. She also tells his that they can go home for the weekend every two weeks. Gerrit calls Stasja to tell her that he will pick her up in a week and that they will train on Papendal for a week before going to Germany. Everything is going very fast now. Where will they live? Where will they go to school? Will they have to speak German in school?
• Longer into the holiday Stasja is getting bored and decides to visit her club: Turning Spirit. It is always fun there and the coaches are very happy when they see Stasja. "Hi Stasja, are you coming to train with us today?" Claudia greets her. Stasja joins the training and is amazed by the fun all the gymnasts seem to be having. Claudia and Otto, the coaches ask Stasja about America. Stasja explains that the financials are almost arranged but that she has not heard anything yet. Otto says that they heard rumors that Bela Karolyi is quitting as a coach and they promise Stasja to contact him and see if the rumors are true. They promise to keep her posted and tell her not to worry. "There are a lot of great coaches in America". On the way back home Stasja is very worried. What if Bela will quit, what is she going to do then? Stay with Gerrit?
• During the training at Papendal Gerrit approaches Stasja. "Did you hear from Bela yet? I heard he is going to quit" Gerrit has been very cranky and Stasja notices that he likes to give her this bad news. Stasja doesn't know what to say as the rumors have not been confirmed yet. "Otto told me about the rumors, he is trying to contact Bela to see if the rumors are true" Gerrit gets angry and screams at her because she did not tell him that she spoke to Otto. The next day training is also bad. They have to weigh in and Stasja gained some pounds during the holiday. Gerrit explodes and makes them do extra conditioning as punishment. As they had 12 days off, the conditioning is extremely tough on them. Gerrit continues his shouting match. "Do you want to go home? To mummy and daddy?" he screams. "Yes I want to" Stasja answers boldly.

A month later: 13 September 1992

• "We did everything we could." the doctor explains while placing his hand on her mother's shoulder. She looks at him, hey eyes full of sadness, then she bursts into tears and sinks to the ground. Ton crouches down and hugs his mother tightly, he wants to stay strong for her but he can't. tears stream down his face. Stasja can't look at it anymore and runs through the long hallway of the hospital back and forth, back and forth until she collapses. The ground feels cold but Stasja is not able to get up.

Tears keep coming and coming, she is completely paralyzed. What is she going to do without her father? Suddenly Stasja realizes that assistant coach Frank Louter is picking her up in an hour to return to Germany. Fortunately the nurses allow Stasja to use the phone. She calls Marja and tells her that her father passed away. Marja says how sorry she is for her and tells her she will explain to Gerrit that she is not coming to Germany.

The funeral

• When they arrive at the funeral home, there are already a lot of people there. All family, but also Joan, Stasja's old coach is there to pay her respects. When Stasja sees the coffin, everything around her becomes silent. She hears, but sees nothing anymore, only the coffin of her dear and caring father. Quickly, she turns her face away, she can't look at it anymore. It's too confronting, it hurts too much. All she can think of is that she will never ever see her loving father again. Her grandmother sees that Stasja is having a hard time dealing with the funeral and grabs her hand. Stasja immediately pulls her hand away. She would love for her grandmother to hold her hand but she doesn't want to appear weak to Gerrit who is right behind her. She feels him looking at her. Gerrit feels it is weak and soft to console each other, Stasja does not want to be a weakling. To keep him happy Stasja shut everyone out during the funeral, even her mother.
• Two days after the funeral, Stasja returns to Germany. They are training 4o hours per week and in between trainings Gerrit teaches them German. Stasja does not care that they do not go to school, she hates school. The trainings in Germany do not go well, especially the morning trainings are tough because it is only Stasja and Simone in the huge gym alone with Gerrit. In the meantime, Stasja reluctantly goes to the training sessions, she doesn't feel like training but she has to. Her right leg hurts, it has been hurting for a while and she told Gerrit a couple of times. He usually believes Stasja as she never complains of pain. This time however he feels that she is whining. "Get on the fucking beam. Every time that whining about that leg, you're overreacting, get on with your training! It's always with a back handspring layout layout that you suddenly have trouble with your leg, that's quite a coincidence, isn't it?" Gerrit is right, it is always with this combination. That is because she lands on one leg, the sore one. It hurts so much but Stasja grits her teeth and continues. In the meantime Simone is kicked out of the gym, a few minutes later Gerrit follows her to the locker room. Stasja knows what happens there. She wishes there was a way to help Simone but she doesn't know what to do and feels helpless. When Gerrit and Simone return to the gym, he is still not done with her. In a cynical tone he tells Stasja that she might as well stop training as Simone is her competition and she is a pathetic loser, and that, even without training she can beat her. Stasja doesn't say anything.
• During bars training Stasja needs to do a Tkatchev. Her hands are sweating, she is scared, she has a feeling that she will fall hard if she tries it, just like Vanessa did. She jumps of the bars to get some more chalk. "What are you doing Kohler!" Gerrit hollers. Stasja tries to explain that he hands are sweaty and that she is afraid to peel off the bar. "I don't care for your excuses, get the fuck back on the bars". Stasja rushes back, she is still scared and tells Gerrit. It is the first time she ever admits to being scared. She hopes that Gerrit will give her a break and again carefully explains how the element should be done. He doesn't. He just stands close to the bar and yells at Stasja to do it, now! Stasja tries the Tkatchev and falls flat on her face, not even knowing how that happened. She cries out, not from pain, but from fear. "God fucking damnid!" Gerrit screams while he kicks the mat that is under the bars. Gerrit wants her to get back on the bars but Stasja refuses. He lets it go but tells her that tomorrow he expects her to do the Ktachev. Stasja lays awake all night worrying.

 

[Kittentoes]

I would like to kick Gerrit's nuts so hard they come out his nose.

 

[Amber]

Injured hip

• Shortly after moving to Germany Stasja's hip starts hurting, especially the pain in her groin is unbearable. Sometimes it hurts so much that she can't sleep, or the pain wakes her up. Gerrit decides that Stasja should see a doctor and they go to the Children's hospital in Stuttgart for an MRI. Stasja is very nervous for the procedure, something tells her that something is very wrong. What if she can never do gymnastics anymore? "I don't have good news" the doctor tells her in German, this Stasja understands. He shows the MRI images and points to some spots. Apparently something is wrong there, she has no idea what it is. The doctor explains that at any moment her hip can dislocate because of Epifysiolysis. He tells her that she needs surgery right away. It will be a difficult surgery and the doctor wants Stasja to immediately start using crutches because her hip needs rest.
• On the car ride back Stasja tells Gerrit that she will start rehab right after surgery. Gerrit however tells her that he doesn't think that she can do gymnastics any time soon, maybe never again. Stasja doesn't want to hear it, she is going to have the surgery and get back to gymnastics right away. She also refuses to use the crutches, she is not disabled!
• When she is home for the weekend the doctor from the Dutch Gymnastics federation visits her. He looked at the MRI and he, and his colleagues have come to a different conclusion. According to him Stasja suffers from Perthes decease. Surgery is not absolutely necessary, she can take a rest for five years and she should grow out of it. Stasja looks at him as if he grew a second head. She is not even considering taking a five year break! She decides to trust the surgeon in Germany, he is a world renowned pediatrician in a great hospital. Her mother tells her that she does not want Stasja to get surgery in Germany. She can get the surgery in Amsterdam and she can rehab at home. She knows however that Stasja won't change her mind.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Legg–Calvé–Perthes disease - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Epiphysiolysis - an overview | ScienceDirect Topics

www.sciencedirect.com

________________________________________________________________________________________________________


Surgery

• Stasja is operated on, in the Olga-Childrens hospital in Stuttgart by a Dutch Surgeon: Horst Dekkers. As there is a 50% chance that she will also develop the problem in the other hip, they decide to also do the surgery on her left hip. "I am going to do everything I can to get your hips back into great shape" The doctor tells Stasja before the surgery. Stasja replies that she want to go back to gymnastics as soon as possible. The doctor smiles and tells her that she has to give her hips time to heal. After a three hour surgery, Stasja wakes up completely nauseous from the anesthetics. Her legs are completely wrapped and they hurt a lot! A nurse approaches Stasja as soon as she notices that she is awake. She ensures Stasja that the surgery went very well. She asks if she want to talk to her mother who is on the phone, she agrees, she is very happy to talk to her mother, it is nice to hear her voice. Her mother tells her that she, her brother Ton, and her grandmother will be in Stuttgart in two days to visit her. She remains nauseous the whole day. In the evening the nurses give her a cup of Thea. Just as she is opening a pack of sugar to add to the Thea, Gerrit comes in. "I would not do that" he warns. "You will not get much exercise so do not eat sugar or anything fat" He informs her that he will talk to the nurses about her diet.
• After a few days her dressings need to be changed, Stasja will see her scars for the first time. At first she is very reluctant to look but when the nurses says that they look good, she finally dares to take a peek. The scar on her right leg is 20 centimeter long, angry red and still stitched up. The scar on the other leg is not that long but also angry red and stitched. She cannot linger long on her scars however, the drains must be removed. The doctor warns her that it might be painful. Stasja screams and screams, never in her life did she have so much pain!

Tirade of insults

• To her great joy, Sven, the German gymnast with the beautiful eyes, comes to visit her in the hospital. He has a large bouquet of red roses with him. A few weeks earlier, he had told her that he is in love with her. Stasja immediately indicated that she doesn't want anything, even though she also really likes him. Stasja thinks it's very sweet of him to bring flowers for her. Later, four other gymnasts come to visit, what a cozy atmosphere! She can even forget for a moment that she now has two ugly scars and that she cannot do gymnastics for a long time. For the first time in weeks, she can laugh again, a wonderful feeling. Sven also brought some treats, a box of chocolates, but she doesn't dare to eat any, so she hides the box in the drawer of her hospital table next to her bed. Five minutes later Gerrit arrives, carrying a large stuffed animal under his arm. However, he doesn't get further than the threshold. With enormous force, he throws the stuffed animal in her face and then turns around to leave. Stasja immediately knows why he is angry. She is wearing makeup, her hair isn't tied back, and she has boys visiting. Because there weren't enough chairs, a few boys were sitting on her bed. Stasja hopes that Gerrit will come back to talk things over, but he stays away for a week. Stasja asks the nurses if he has perhaps called to ask how she is doing, but that is not the case.
• The doctors allow Stasja to leave the hospital for two days over New Year's. Gerrit picks her up to celebrate New Year's Eve with Simone at his place along with Marja. When Gerrit comes to get her, his face is stormy. It is the first time they see each other again after Gerrit's outburst last week. "We first need to go to the gym because the training isn't over yet, but I had to leave to pick you up," Gerrit says irritably. "So we have to hurry a bit," Stasja tries to keep up with him on her crutches, which is barely possible. Once they are outside, she struggles to stay upright due to the many wet leaves on the ground. Her left crutch slips away, she tries to stay up but she can't put any weight on her right leg, so she has no choice but to let herself fall, right into a puddle. People quickly come over to help me up. Gerrit apparently hears some commotion behind him and turns around, but he has no intention of helping her or asking how she is. "Come on Stas, we don't have hours, get in the car quickly." In the car, her leg starts to ache. Stasja tries to ease the pain by changing her position, but it doesn't help. Of course, she doesn't tell Gerrit this. When they arrive at the gym, all the gymnasts ask how she is doing. "I'm doing fine," she replies. She chats with everyone until she suddenly hears a loud shout behind her. "Kohler, to my room, now!" Stasja's body trembles with fear, especially her hands. As soon as she is inside, Gerrit slams the door. She doesn't dare to look at him. "What a vulgar **** you look like, you're 13 years old but you look like you want to be fucked flat" Stasja is shocked by this comment, does she really look like that? "With all those boys on your bed, what a spectacle that was" Gerrit rattles on. He stands with his arms crossed and comes closer to her. Stasja does not want to look at him and turns her face away. "Well, will I get another response?" insists Gerrit, but she doesn't know how to respond and what to say. In the meantime, tears stream down her face. After 10 minutes of silence, Gerrit storms away. Stasja is left alone in the desolate room. She looks at the training schedule and the list of gymnasts with their weights next to their names. She sees that her name is no longer on the list; she has been dropped. She feels so lonely, abandoned, a failure. From her bag, she takes a brush and some hair ties, quickly tying her hair into a tight ponytail. She washes the makeup off her face and walks over to Gerrit. "Better now?" she asks. She receives a pat on the head, and he smiles at her; she immediately feels a little better.

 

[RAFIKI]

When Gerrit comes to get her, his face is stormy. It is the first time they see each other again after Gerrit's outburst last week. "We first need to go to the gym because the training isn't over yet, but I had to leave to pick you up," Gerrit says irritably. "So we have to hurry a bit," Stasja tries to keep up with him on her crutches, which is barely possible. Once they are outside, she struggles to stay upright due to the many wet leaves on the ground. Her left crutch slips away, she tries to stay up but she can't put any weight on her right leg, so she has no choice but to let herself fall, right into a puddle. People quickly come over to help me up. Gerrit apparently hears some commotion behind him and turns around, but he has no intention of helping her or asking how she is. "Come on Stas, we don't have hours, get in the car quickly."

I am so furious reading this.

 

[Amber]

I can imagine, it is infuriating...

 

[QuietColours]

It's unbelievable except that I believe it completely

 

[Amber]

Yes it was bad... I think Simone got it worse than Stasja because Stasja had a bold, really strong personality, and she was the better gymnast, Gerrit wanted her.

 

[CameliasFingerpaint]

What a fucking monster. He should be rotting in prison.

 

[Amber]

Exercise and progression

• At the hospital, Stasja receives physical therapy every day. Because there is still fluid in her lower legs, she can hardly bend them. The physiotherapist does everything possible to improve flexibility, but it hurts tremendously. Gritting her teeth, she performs the exercises as best as she can. She tries to hide the pain as much as possible—the faster she can do more exercises, the faster she can start gymnastics again. When Dr. Horst comes in and sees what she is already capable of, he is very satisfied. "I have never seen anyone make so much progress in such a short time. Doesn't it hurt?" he asks. With a stony face, Stasja lies that it is completely painless. She wants to know when she can stand on her leg again, but the doctor says she will have to be patient a little longer.
• After four weeks in the hospital, Stasja can finally go home. Gerrit drives her to Amsterdam. On the way, he says that she can stay at home for a week and that during that week she is allowed to do some strength exercises at Turning Spirit. After that, Gerrit will call her again to arrange her return to Germany.
• At home, there are balloons and streamers on the wall, and on the front door it says 'Welcome home.' Very sweet, of course, but Stasja doesn't feel at home yet, without her father. She spends a few hours in her room, staring out the window and watching a bunch of young kittens playing with each other. When her mother comes to bring her tea, she decides to go to the living room; after all, she has missed her family very much. While drinking her tea, she tells her mother what Gerrit said to her: that he thinks she is a filthy **** and that she looks like she wants to get screwed. She is so affected that she needs to share it with someone. Her mother becomes very angry and says that Stasja will not go back to Gerrit until this is addressed. She calls her old coach, Joan, who still often visits. Joan also finds what Gerrit said unbelievable. Less than an hour later, Joan is at the doorstep. She offers to call Gerrit and arrange a meeting to talk, they agree with that. After this, Stasja is constantly conflicted with herself. Did she do the right thing by telling her mother what Gerrit said? Gerrit will be furious when he finds out. He will think she's a coward, going home to complain.
• The next day Stasja is called by RTL; they want to make a documentary about her. About her invitation from Karolyi, about the death of her father, about her injury. They also want to be there when she enters the gym for the first time again, on crutches. Stasja agrees, but on one condition: her father is not to be discussed. The next day, at 9:00, the television crew is at the door. Stasja has to read the letter she received from Bela Karolyi. Afterwards, she explains that she hasn’t been there yet because she got injured. The cameras also follow her to the physiotherapist, where she goes for the first time that day. The physiotherapist is shocked by her enormous entourage but later patiently explains what is wrong with her hip. The next stop is Turning Spirit where she will do some strength exercises. All the gymnasts want to see how large her scars are. After an enthusiastic greeting from the gymnasts and coaches, she gets to work. She loves being back in the gym, she has missed it, she wants to be a gymnast, not a patient.
• "Stasja, darling, come over here for a moment," says coach Claudia. Otto stands beside her. "Otto has spoken with Bela, and unfortunately, the news is not good. He is indeed going to stop as a coach." She lovingly takes her hands and strokes her cheek. Stasja sees that Claudia finds it very unpleasant to deliver this news. "His gymnastics school will still continue to exist, and you are still welcome to train there once you are better, but then with a different coach." The news does not come as a surprise.

Conversation with Gerrit

• Joan, Stasja, and her mother are sitting on the couch. They are waiting for Gerrit. Today they are going to have a talk. Joan is still furious with Gerrit and cannot understand why he treated her that way. "That is really not okay, Stas, and we are going to tell him that too." Stasja hopes they will go easy on Gerrit; she already regrets having said something. The doorbell rings, Stasja looks out the window, it's Gerrit. He is double-parked and apparently not planning to spend much time on this conversation. He is hurried and irritated. "So, what is all this about?" Gerrit says gruffly. He looks at Stasja angrily; she dares not say anything. Joan takes over the conversation. "Gerrit, what you have done is really not acceptable! Stasja is only 13, you cannot call her a ****, in the hospital of all places, that's really not acceptable". He has little to say about it. "Maybe I really shouldn't have said that, but I hope we can let it go and move forward together," Gerrit smiles at Stasja, who immediately feels guilty. "We can move forward together again," she lets him know. Gerrit politely asks Stasja how the training sessions are going. Proudly, she answers that she has no pain and that everything is going perfectly; she is so happy that he is still interested in her. "Shall I pick you up in two weeks to go back to Germany?" Stasja nods enthusiastically, relieved, taking a deep breath; everything has fallen into place. Stasja has packed her things; today she is going back to Germany to continue her rehabilitation and to become completely her old self again. It is still her goal to become the best gymnast in the world. Gerrit is half an hour late, which has never happened before. He comes running up the stairs at high speed. Stasja is standing at the top of the stairs; without a word, he passes her. "Are we going straight to Stuttgart, or do you want to have something to drink first?" she asks nervously. His eyes are fiery. "I don't need to drink anything, I'm going straight on but without you. You are not coming with me, never again," he shouts. Stasja looks at him, stunned.

"How does it feel to be treated like this now," Gerrit asks cynically. Stasja truly does not know what he means. "You treat people like this too, and now you're being treated the same way yourself, it's your fault." Without saying goodbye, he walks out of the house and drives away. Without Stasja. With tearful eyes, she stares at the packed bags. Her mother comes to stand beside her, also unsure of what to say. What should she do now? Injured, no coach, not even in school. She doesn't know what to do anymore and goes to her room. She can't sleep, can't listen to music either. She keeps worrying, about everything and anything. She allows no one to comfort her—not her brother, not her mother. It must be her fault that Gerrit doesn't want to continue with her; she has ruined it.

 

[Amber]

Simone (1191-19992 cont.)

• Not long after they moved to Germany, Stasja's father passes away. Simone feels so sorry for her. She doesn't really know how to deal with it. She doesn't know if Stasja wants to be comforted by her, Simone doesn't dare to bring it up. Stasja has built a wall around herself. Simone can see that she is very sad but no one does anything. She knows that she is not allowed to comfort Stasja, Gerrit and Marja don't do that either, but she also knows how important her family is to Stasja.
• When Simone is finally allowed to go home for a weekend again, she encounters sad faces; her grandmother Chris has passed away. The cremation is on Monday. Simone finds it terrible that her grandmother has died, as she was unable to say goodbye. However, she is relieved that she gets to stay home an extra day and doesn't have to train. The day after the cremation, they drive back to Germany. Gerrit is immediately irritated when she enters the gym. "We're not going to have the same misery again as when your other grandmother died, are we?" When she is on the beam, and tears stream down her face from the continuous teasing, he shouts: "Goddammit, here we go again! Softie, did you see Stasja cry after her father's death?" The next day, during a floor exercise, Gerrit gives Simone a hard slap on her leg, leaving a red mark. Once again, he storms out of the gym angrily. When Marja comes in shortly after, she asks Simone how she got that mark on her leg. "Did you fall?" she asks. Simone doesn't know what to say, but Stasja replies that Gerrit did it. Marja doesn't believe her. "Gerrit couldn't possibly have done that," she says. Simone whispers that it's really true. Stasja confirms it once again: "I saw it myself." Marja still doesn't believe them.

Meanwhile, Stasja can barely walk anymore because of the pain in her leg. Upon closer examination, her injury turns out to be serious, and she needs surgery. She has to stay in the hospital for a few weeks. Simone is not allowed to visit because she needs to rest after training. She is allowed to go to the hospital with Marja once. All the gymnasts raise money and buy her a plush ladybug. Simone hopes that Stasja will like it, as she loves stuffed animals. Stasja is lying in a high white bed, and Simone gives her a big hug. Stasja places the stuffed animal at the foot of her bed and doesn’t look at it again; she is no longer the enthusiastic girl she once was. That’s not surprising after such a serious surgery. Her legs are very swollen and purple, and it looks scary and painful. Moreover, she has just lost her father and now she is alone in a German hospital. But Stasja keeps up a brave front, as she has been taught. She does everything she can to live up to Gerrit's image of a good gymnast.

• Stasja starts the new year on crutches; it is still uncertain whether she will ever be able to do gymnastics again. Simone now trains alone during the day, which is very hard for her. Simone is getting ready for the beam training when Gerrit comes to stand by her. "I notice that you perform much better now that Stasja is not in the gym. You have made a lot of progress in a short time. That is why I have decided that Stasja will not be allowed to come back; I want to hear from you if you agree with that." Send Stasja away? That comes as a very unexpected shock. Gerrit was always so proud of her. Simone wonders why Gerrit is discussing this with her now; he has never asked for her opinion before. Yet, to herself, Simone admits that it feels good that Gerrit is now proud of her. Overwhelmed, she answers, "uh, yes". "I just wanted to know, so I can be sure that I am making the right decision," says Gerrit before he walks away. Simone immediately regrets what she said. She is confused. She would never have said herself that Stasja should leave. Stasja lives for gymnastics, and she absolutely does not want to be alone with Gerrit. Actually, she only agreed because she knew Gerrit wanted to hear that. After this, Simone didn't see her gymnastics sister anymore. Gerrit always treated her like royalty; she never expected that Gerrit would actually send her away. Simone feels guilty and now has another reason why she can't stop: Gerrit sent away his prized gymnast for her.

 

[Indy]

What a fucking monster. He should be rotting in prison.

Seriously. Especially when you realize this was happening to children. It would be bad enough if they were adults but to treat a child in that way is another level of monster.

 

[makam]

So, I hadn't heard about these gymnasts before but what did their parents say when all this came out?

 

[phoenix7]

So, I hadn't heard about these gymnasts before but what did their parents say when all this came out?

I have the same questions. It's interesting to see how seriously Stasja's mother took the swearing at the hospital, which is such a tiny tip of an enormous iceberg in terms of the man's behaviour. This business of your daughter going aged 13 or so to live in a foreign country with someone who decides whether or not she will go to school is mind boggling.

 

[Kittentoes]

Just give me ten minutes and hold my glasses please.

 

[makam]

I have the same questions. It's interesting to see how seriously Stasja's mother took the swearing at the hospital, which is such a tiny tip of an enormous iceberg in terms of the man's behaviour. This business of your daughter going aged 13 or so to live in a foreign country with someone who decides whether or not she will go to school is mind boggling.

Yeah. Like I realize it was peak-Karyoli-era where a gymnast must suffer to be great (see similar comment on Shannon's recap), but how much kool-aid must the parents have been drinking to just breeze by all the warning signs. Of course the kids were concealing the bad behavior but other people were seeing it all the time and just went "nah, none of my biz"?

 

[Matilda23]

Marja (Gerrit’s girlfriend?) didn’t know that Gerrit physically hit the girls? I assumed he would have been violent at home too but was it was just when the girls were alone in training?

 

[Amber]

Regarding Stasja's mother: She was a really, really sweet lady, but she could not handle Stasja's strong and stubborn personality and gave her everything she wanted. Especially after her father's dead. In the part of the book that is upcoming I used to train with Stasja and after practice travelled back with them with public transportation. I understand the questions however it was a different time, no e-mail, no texting, no way to get in touch but a landline. Also Gerrit could be really charming if he needed to be and he always was very friendly with her parents. They trusted him and Stasja never told them about what happened and how he treated them in training.

 

[Amber]

Marja (Gerrit’s girlfriend?) didn’t know that Gerrit physically hit the girls? I assumed he would have been violent at home too but was it was just when the girls were alone in training?

In the earlier days Marja was not there yet. When she was, she was not always in the gym, the morning trainings were done by Gerrit alone.

 

[Amber]

Simone (1993)

• Simone misses Stasja; she has lost her buddy, her sister, her only friend. On weekends she sleeps at Gerrit and Marja's, the three of them sharing a room. On Saturdays, she shops alone. During the day she trains by herself. There are two coaches who constantly watch her, cheating is impossible, and she is always up next. Meanwhile, she trains more than 40 hours a week. She is overfatigued and starts making silly mistakes, like twisting her ankle because she tripped over a mat. She is not mentally present and has a strong feeling that this is going to end badly. If she is not training, she falls asleep during physiotherapy, and also during the lessons with Gerrit. She still does not go to school, but she no longer minds, she is so tired. Gerrit calls Simone to his office. "You are overfatigued," he observes. "We need to protect you; from now on, I will bring you home between training sessions so you can sleep in your bed." Her whole body aches and tingles, she is so tired. If she does not train or eat, she sleeps; she is exhausted. Every night before going to sleep, Simone prays that she gets a serious injury so that she no longer has to do gymnastics. She imagines her mother giving her a long, big hug. For years, she hasn't received a kiss or a hug from anyone, but she longs for it very much.

• Simone is wearing a safety harness; she has to do a Tkatchev on the bars. The belt is attached to ropes so she won't fall hard to the ground if she misses the bar. She does the Tkatchev and feels the ropes lashing her legs like whips. She's startled because it hurts, and she gets tangled in the ropes, trapping her in the air. She crashes into the low bar, and Gerrit barely manages to prevent her from falling to the ground. He becomes furious. "No damn it!" Gerrit shouts. "One more time!" Simone immediately jumps onto the bars, not knowing what to change. The same thing happens again. It hurts a lot again, and Gerrit lashes out again. She jumps onto the bars again but is now scared, both of Gerrit's reaction and of the pain. She has large red, open welts on her legs, like whip marks. Full of fear, she does what Gerrit tells her to do. Because she has become afraid of the pain, she restrains herself a little, which eventually makes it almost impossible for her to get over the bar. It happens again. Gerrit yells at her; he is furious. Simone thinks Gerrit is doing something wrong with the ropes, but she doesn’t dare to say it. Meanwhile, everyone else is done training, but Simone has to continue. Crying, she sits on the bars to redo the element for the umpteenth time, under Gerrit’s loud shouting. Eventually, Gerrit decides that it’s enough for today; she is exhausted. During dinner, Marja talks to Simone as if nothing has happened, but she is still too scared and too shocked to respond. A few weeks later, Gerrit thinks Simone should try the Tkatchev without a belt. She's been on the bar for half an hour but doesn't dare. Until Gerrit starts yelling. She attempts the Tkatchev but doesn't know what she's doing; she's completely disoriented. With a thud, she lands on her back on the bar and falls two and a half meters to the ground. "What are you doing! Imbecile! Goddammit!" For months, Gerrit has been forcing her to work on the Tkatchev at every training, but Simone just doesn't understand the element and becomes increasingly afraid of it. "Can I try a Jaeger?" Simone asks casually. Gerrit allows it, and after two attempts, Simone catches it. An important competition is approaching, and she needs a flight element, so Gerrit lets her continue practicing the Jaeger until the competition. "After the competition, we'll go back to the Tkatchev," Simone nods.

I want to go home

• Now that Simone has a flight element in her routine, Gerrit focuses on the next element. He whistles, and Simone walks over to him. "Go ahead with an roundoff back handspring double back dismount." Simone doesn’t understand that Gerrit is asking this of her; she really doesn’t dare. He knows that, right? She doesn’t even dare to do an roundoff back handspring on the low beam; in fact, she has never done it on the low beam, and now she suddenly has to do it on the high beam with a double Salto afterwards? Every time Simone does her current dismount, a roundoff, double back, she has the fear of her feet slipping off the beam during her roundoff and landing on het head. Gerrit can read from her face that she doesn’t feel like it. "It has to be done," he shouts. "You don’t have enough strength to extend from the roundoff into a Muchina. The back handspring in between is necessary to be able to continue." Simone stands sobbing on the beam; she really doesn’t dare. Gerrit lashes out at her, but fortunately, there is still an adult Romanian gymnast present in the gym, so they are not alone. Gerrit sits against the wall with a grumpy face; Simone doesn’t even try to make the dismount. Half an hour later, still standing motionless on the beam, Gerrit angrily storms out of the gym.
• "Goddammit!" Gerrit drags Simone by her arm down the hallway. Marja follows behind them. "Stop it!" she yells at Gerrit. He lets her go and walks away cursing, out of her sight. Marja turns to Simone. "I'm so sick of you!" she shouts angrily. "You frustrate Gerrit so much, he's going completely crazy because of you! I'm taking you back to the Netherlands right now, pack your things!" Simone quickly puts on her tracksuit as fast as she can. Marja pushes her toward the exit. She is confused; she hates that Marja is so angry at her. Her self-esteem crumbles a little more each time, if there was any left at all. Simone really wants to go home; she'd prefer to jump straight into the car. Marja pushes her toward the door, while Simone knows very well that she is not allowed to leave Gerrit, and she doesn’t know what to do. Then Gerrit comes back into the hallway. Just as Simone had expected. "What are you doing?" he yells angrily at Marja. "I've had enough, I can't take this anymore, and I'm taking her home now!" Marja screams back. Simone looks at Gerrit hopefully. "Please let me go home," she begs, against her better judgment. "Absolutely not." He glares at Marja angrily and pulls Simone away from Marja by her arm. "You go back to training," he says to Simone. She walks back to the gym, confused and disappointed. She hadn't expected them to actually leave, but she had hoped they would. Gerrit and Marja stay in the hallway arguing.
• When Simone has been home for a weekend again, the first training sessions are very difficult for her. She feels a huge pressure on her chest and an intense feeling of sadness; she wants to go home, she doesn’t want to train! Gerrit senses trouble coming and taunts Simone. Suddenly, she says very clearly: "Gerrit, I don’t want to do gymnastics anymore." He becomes furious and starts shouting. "If you stop now, I will demand that your parents pay back all the money that I have spent on you. They can’t afford that, you know, so because of you they will end up in prison. How selfish of you!" In her thoughts, she sees her parents sitting on a wooden bench in the courtroom. Her mother is in tears and her father looks up at the judge in fear. Simone doesn't want her parents to have to go to prison because of her. She sees no way out.
• Another month has passed. Simone is home for the weekend; she is desperate. She doesn't dare to tell her parents how she feels. She decides to write a note to her parents. Dear Mom and Dad, I really don't want to do gymnastics anymore, but Gerrit is blackmailing me, saying that you would go to jail if I stop doing gymnastics. I don't know what to do anymore. She keeps the note with her all weekend. At the very last moment, she pushes the note into her father's hands. Then she turns around and leaves again for a month to Germany.