While Reint and Simone are on vacation in Egypt, an 11-page article appears in the magazine "Helden" about four top Dutch gymnasts who reveal details about their gymnastics past with coaches Gerrit Beltman and Frank Louter. The article talks about a prison-like regime and child abuse. "The behavior of the gymnastics federation and the coaches was so demeaning to children that we can speak of gymnastics terrorism. The young women still suffer from nightmares, mood swings, insecurity, misunderstanding, anger, and problems with eating and identity,"
Renske Endel, silver medalist at the 2001 World Championships, states: "I was losing myself more and more. When I was in the car on the way to training, I hoped my father would drive into the ditch, then at least I wouldn't have to train." The other three gymnasts were trained by Gerrit's former intern Frank Louter, with whom Simone lived in the house.
Suzanne Harmes: "It was child abuse, but everyone turned a blind eye"
Verona van de Leur: "We felt like some kind of cult"
Gabrielle Wammes: "I am still struggling"
Simone's world is turned upside down, she wants to go back to the Netherlands immediately.
Amsterdam, spring 2012
Simone is in the car with Stasja when she receives a text message: "Have you read the article in de Volkskrant yet? An interview with Gerrit." They immediately stop at a gas station to buy the newspaper; it is a response to the article in Helden.
‘I DID NOT INTEND TO BELITTLE THEM,’ is the headline of the article.
The intro ends with: "I had them stand on a scale in the gym, that wasn't smart," as if that were the worst thing, something Simone hadn’t even thought about. They continue reading aloud. "He doesn’t want to be called the ruler of the gym, but there was certainly some awe and a bit of fear. If something unexpected happened and I became strict, of course I could see that they were afraid. I am a big, imposing man, that plays a role."
Not a word about the mental and physical abuse, why they were so scared. Only a few paragraphs later does it subtly say: "As young and driven as I was, I must have cursed at some point, and not closed the door too gently." The indoctrination regarding the parents is only lightly touched upon: "He is said to have once said, the best parents are dead parents." Gerrit says that the statement was different. "It should not have been taken literally; it was an insight I believed in." The story ends with: "I told my board about her criticism; they thought it was good to know but said: Gerrit, we don't recognize any of that." He can't be serious! Could these really have been the literal words? The outrage of Stasja and Simone is immense. When Simone reflects on her gymnastics career, she now knows that it was about years of deprivation of freedom, coercion, physical abuse, manipulation, indoctrination, stripping of personality and human rights, withholding of parental love, and hindering of mental and personal development and growth. During her gymnastics years, and even afterwards, she was alienated from herself, her parents.
It took years to learn to deal with this better, but she still suffers from the consequences. It says that Gerrit now teaches in Calgary, Canada, where 1,300 children train. How would he deal with them now? Stasja and Simone look at each other determinedly; they are going to ask him personally in Canada!
On the way to the airport, September 27, 2012
Simone's body is trembling; how will she react when she stands in front of him? Will she be able to ask him all her questions honestly? How will he respond to them, and to their confronting questions? Simone is determined not to give him the chance to influence her feelings as he used to, making her feel pity for him, erasing herself for him, and eventually boarding the plane home without answers to her questions. She is not going to let that happen; she must be strong!
Stasja has passed her final exam and strolls through the Kalverstraat. At a bakery, she sees that they are hiring staff, so she puts on her brave shoes and walks into the bakery. Stasja is hired. When she arrives for her first working days, she is given an apron. She is quickly shown where everything is and how much everything costs. Stasja really clicks with her colleague Mariangela, who immediately invites her out that evening. "From around 11:00 PM, I'll be at Cafe 't Hartje, see you there." When Stasja arrives at the cafe, Mariangela is busy dancing on the dance floor, the music blasting. Stasja quickly gets some drinks for herself and Mariangela, and then they spend the whole evening drinking and dancing. Stasja also meets Mariangela’s friends, and she especially gets along well with Natasja. From that evening on, Stasja goes out every weekend. She is also often found at 't Hartje during weekdays. She is drunk almost every day and only goes home when the sun is raising again. Stasja's mother is worried about her but also says that she is happy for Stasja because she has nice friends and is having fun.
Crying, Stasja calls Simone. Stanley broke up with her after two years. Simone shows up on the doorstep that very evening. She brought chocolates. The box is beautifully wrapped and Simone has stuck all pink hearts on it. Simone is wearing a short skirt and is heavily made up. Black eyes, red lips, and long polished nails. She has changed. Stasja still doesn’t dare to dress so feminine; she thinks it’s because Gerrit called her a cheap ****. Recently, she wore a skirt and high-heeled shoes, but before going out she ended up changing again. "Shall we go to Titanic?" asks Simone. "I think Leonardo DiCaprio is such a hottie." Stasja doesn’t mind, although she has no idea who Leonardo DiCaprio is.
Mariangela is sad, she says that Natasja's sister has had a serious accident. Stasja is shocked by the news, she feels very sorry for Natasja, she gets along well with her and often Natasja gives her a ride home. She often talks about her sister then. Just before their shift at the bakery ends, Natasja comes in. Mariangela walks straight up to her and gives her a big hug. Natasja looks bad, sad, and desperate. Stasja stays at a distance, she doesn’t really know what to say and doesn’t know at all how to comfort someone. Gerrit always shouted that comforting is for wimps. Since she got yelled at by Gerrit, she has never comforted anyone again, not even her own mother. Not even when she was clearly struggling after the loss of her husband. When Stasja saw her crying, she would walk away. Sometimes she wanted to put an arm around her, but something held her back.
The next day, Mariangela doesn’t say anything to Stasja at all. She is angry with her. Stasja doesn’t dare to ask why. Even after work, she keeps her lips tightly shut. Mariangela leaves without saying goodbye. The whole week goes like this, and Stasja is sad about it. Eventually, she gathers all her courage and asks Mariangela what she did wrong. She gets a full response. Mariangela finds it inconceivable that she didn’t even bother to comfort Natasja and that she didn’t call her once to ask how she was doing. “She’s your friend too, isn’t she? Doesn’t it bother you at all?” asks Mariangela. “You just stood there.” Stasja thinks the reaction is over the top. Natasja should have gone to Mariangela for comfort, shouldn’t she? “I don’t think Natasja was waiting for another arm around her,” Mariangela looks at her in surprise. “At moments like that, don’t you need everyone?” Stasja doesn’t understand and goes home; their friendship was never the same again.
Talking openly
Simone calls and asks if Stasja wants to go to Spain with her; they are leaving a week later by bus. Stasja hesitates; she is expecting a letter from the journalism school. Stasja has applied and hopes she will be accepted into the program. She also has a new job at a nearby pizzeria. That same day, Stasja receives the letter from the journalism school. The first thing she reads is 'Congratulations.' She has been accepted! Stasja is overjoyed and jumps into her brother's arms; she is going to study in Utrecht! She quickly calls Simone back to share the good news and to say that she will come to Spain after all, as she doesn’t have to start until September, leaving plenty of time for a vacation. After spending a few days on the beach and going out in the evenings, Stasja and Simone decide to stay in the hotel one evening. They lie next to each other on the bed and chat a bit. Soon, Gerrit comes up in the conversation. What we have all experienced. We talk openly about the physical violence, his sudden outbursts, and the name-calling. About how we heard every day that we were worthless, slow, too fat, too lazy, too bad. That we were never allowed a candy. This is actually the first time they talk about it so openly. "I'm going to tell you something now that will probably shock you," Simone says. "When you were in the Netherlands recovering from your hip injury and I was left alone in Germany, Gerrit said that I was making leaps and bounds and that this was because you weren't around. Gerrit said that’s why he wasn’t continuing with you and asked if I agreed with it. I agreed at the time, but only because I knew that’s what he wanted to hear; I felt so guilty about that. He made me believe he was doing it for me, and in that way, I couldn’t tell him that I wanted to stop, something I really wanted, and he knew that." It has to sink in for Stasja. Suddenly, she gets so angry that she jumps off the bed. For years she had wondered what she had done and why Gerrit didn't want to continue with her. He always blamed her for the breakup. Her whole body starts shaking, with anger. She sits on the balcony and stares at the azure blue sea. Simone sits next to her, they smile at each other and give each other a hug. Stasja feels better, lighter, liberated, and Simone confirms that she feels exactly the same way.
Mother
When Stasja sleeps in her own bed for the first time after the vacation, she just tosses and turns. The conversation with Simone keeps haunting her mind. At three o'clock in the morning, she walks into her mother's bedroom; she only sees a bright orange tip of the cigarette her mother is smoking. Stasja turns on the light and asks if they can talk for a moment. "Of course, darling, come lie down next to me." Stasja crawls into bed. Her mother has always been so kind to her, but Stasja never accepted her love. Gerrit's words that parents don't know what's best for their child, and that he gets nauseated by parents who coddle their children, never left Stasja. She took his words as truth. That's why Stasja always got angry when her mother did something kind for her. She felt she didn't deserve it and that she didn't need it either. On the way back from Spain, Stasja thought a lot about this. It is now the first time in a very long time that she takes the initiative to lie down next to her mother and talk to her. She can see from her mother's face that she is very happy about it. Stasja tells her mother that she had a very long conversation with Simone about Gerrit and that they finally found out what he is really like. "Do you know that he treated me very badly when you were in the hospital in Germany?" her mother says. "He picked me up from the train station and didn't even say hello. The first thing he asked was whether I had arranged a place to sleep because he couldn't be expected to do that for me, and he also said I couldn’t stay with him. Then he walked very quickly to the car; I could hardly keep up with him. During the car ride, he didn't say a word." Stasja is now even angrier at Gerrit than she was before. How could he treat her mother like that, a woman who had just lost her husband? Stasja's relationship with her mother has been improving since this conversation. Stasja finally sees her as the loving, caring mother she is and has always been.
