Unwilling routine - Book summary

[Amber]

Simone (1991 - 1992)

• The National Championships are held in Den Bosch. Stasja wins first place on all events, Simone places second. Vanessa's arm is in a plaster, she dislocated her elbow doing a Tkatchev. They are on a training camp at Papendal. Vanessa is doing what she can, which is not a lot. Gerrit informs her that when her arm is out of the plaster, they will immediately start working on the Tkachev, Simone sees her sister become very pale and nervous.
• The last day of the season they spent at their home gym in Alphen aan den Rijn. The atmosphere is relaxed, they are all happy to get a break from training. After the training Gerrit pulls Stasja, Simone and Vanessa apart to have a conversation with them. "As you have probably heard, Marja has been offered a job to coach in Germany, we are moving after the holidays and we want to know if you are moving with us" Gerrit explains. Simone and Stasja look at each other, the only thing they are thinking about are the cute boys they met there. Without thinking, or knowing what the move to Germany entails, they agree to go with them.
• The next day they are packing their bags, as they will not return to their current housings. Simone is at Frank's house when the bell rings. When she opens the door Stasja is there. "Vanessa just quit gymnastics because of her elbow" Stasja says. Simone is stunned by the news, she realizes that she will have to move to Germany without her sister, which is not what she wants at all. If her sister is not doing gymnastics anymore Simone sees no reason to continue. She however realizes that now that Vanessa has quit, Gerrit will never let her go!
• During the holiday Simone tries to talk to her parents about not wanting to go to Germany. Her father tells her that it is her decision to make. They do not understand the power Gerrit has over her, she does not have a choice, Gerrit will just make her go. The only way for Simone to get out of moving to Germany is if her parents refuse to let her go. After the break they spent a week on Papendal. Trainings are tough as it is just Simone and Stasja. Gerrit tells them that when they have moved to Germany that they will only attend a few hours of school each week so they have more time to focus on Gymnastics. Simone does not like this at all, she likes school. Stasja doesn't care, her life revolves around gymnastics but for Simone school is important. She really does not want to go. She will have to tell Gerrit but she is scared to. She knows he will be very angry. Gerrit can see the trouble coming and starts teasing and bullying Simone so she is even more scared to tell him, but she knows it is now or never. "I don't want to go to Germany" Simone softly says. Gerrit starts yelling and cussing but Simone stands her ground. Stasja, who is training on floor supports her. "You cannot force her if she doesn't want to go" She tells Gerrit. He walks to the door and orders Simone and Stasja to come with him. He takes them to the office, Simone's heart is racing, she is scared and very happy that Stasja is with her.
• "Sit!" Gerrit orders. Stasja and Simone sit down on chairs across from him. He throws some money at them. "Get out! See how far you come. You both are nothing without me" Gerrit yells. Simone sits there frozen, the bomb of anxiety inside of her is about to explode. She doesn't know what Gerrit expects of her, is he serious? He is still yelling at them and angrily gives various reason why he won't allow Simone to quit. Simone figures that this is the first time that they are having an actual conversation. Simone hopes Stasja will convince Gerrit that he cannot force Simone to go to Germany if she does not want to. She needs Stasja for this, she is no longer able to stand up for herself. She can only repeat that she really does not want to go. Gerrit continues to holler at them and in the end they are no match for him. It is clear to Simone, she has to move to Germany.

Germany

• After an eight hour drive they arrive at the "Haus der Turnerinnen" where some German gymnasts live. Yvonne, who is 14 and Bianca, who is 16 live there. Stasja and Simone will be sharing a room. "Unpack and I'll pick you up in an hour to go to the gym" Gerrit says. The trainings are extremely tough, they now train 40 hours per week. Simone can't handle this, she is so sad and desperate, she has persistent pains in her heart and has to try very hard not to cry. Yvonne and Bianca go to school during the day, Stasja and Simone are still not going to school at all. During the weekends, the German gymnasts go home. Simone and Stasja spent their weekends at Marja an Gerrit who live in a tiny apartment in the "Haus de Turner" . Gerrit took it upon himself to teach them German so that eventually, they can go to school. Every week Simone is looking forward to Saturday, the only day off they have. She prefers to do nothing and just sit on the couch, preserving her energy for the trainings. After a couple of Saturdays on the couch Gerrit gets angry. "Go do something, you sit there on the couch doing nothing all day, go out, go do something". They really don't know what to do. They are in a strange country, they don't speak the language and they don't know the area. "I'll take you to the swimming pool" Marja offers. It is sweet of her but Simone doesn't feel like swimming. The chlorine burns on the irritated eczema spots she has all over her body. Gerrit said that the eczema spots are caused by stress. He might be right as Simone is stressed out 24/7. As they cannot think of anything else to do, they go swimming. The week after, Stasja has a better idea: shopping! Marja explains how they can get to the city center using public transportation and from that day on Stasja and Simone go there every Saturday. It feels good to be by themselves and not have coaches watching their every move. Their only real reason for shopping is: eating! They buy candy and even go to McDonalds a few times.

I will continue Stasja's story now as Simone describes some important events that happen to Stasja.

 

[Amber]

Stasja (1992-1993)

• In the first week of the summer holiday Stasja's father is released from the hospital. Stasja is very happy that she still has some time to spent with him. Stasja tells him that Gerrit is moving to Germany and that she has to join him, or she won't have a coach, until she can go to America. She also tells his that they can go home for the weekend every two weeks. Gerrit calls Stasja to tell her that he will pick her up in a week and that they will train on Papendal for a week before going to Germany. Everything is going very fast now. Where will they live? Where will they go to school? Will they have to speak German in school?
• Longer into the holiday Stasja is getting bored and decides to visit her club: Turning Spirit. It is always fun there and the coaches are very happy when they see Stasja. "Hi Stasja, are you coming to train with us today?" Claudia greets her. Stasja joins the training and is amazed by the fun all the gymnasts seem to be having. Claudia and Otto, the coaches ask Stasja about America. Stasja explains that the financials are almost arranged but that she has not heard anything yet. Otto says that they heard rumors that Bela Karolyi is quitting as a coach and they promise Stasja to contact him and see if the rumors are true. They promise to keep her posted and tell her not to worry. "There are a lot of great coaches in America". On the way back home Stasja is very worried. What if Bela will quit, what is she going to do then? Stay with Gerrit?
• During the training at Papendal Gerrit approaches Stasja. "Did you hear from Bela yet? I heard he is going to quit" Gerrit has been very cranky and Stasja notices that he likes to give her this bad news. Stasja doesn't know what to say as the rumors have not been confirmed yet. "Otto told me about the rumors, he is trying to contact Bela to see if the rumors are true" Gerrit gets angry and screams at her because she did not tell him that she spoke to Otto. The next day training is also bad. They have to weigh in and Stasja gained some pounds during the holiday. Gerrit explodes and makes them do extra conditioning as punishment. As they had 12 days off, the conditioning is extremely tough on them. Gerrit continues his shouting match. "Do you want to go home? To mummy and daddy?" he screams. "Yes I want to" Stasja answers boldly.

A month later: 13 September 1992

• "We did everything we could." the doctor explains while placing his hand on her mother's shoulder. She looks at him, hey eyes full of sadness, then she bursts into tears and sinks to the ground. Ton crouches down and hugs his mother tightly, he wants to stay strong for her but he can't. tears stream down his face. Stasja can't look at it anymore and runs through the long hallway of the hospital back and forth, back and forth until she collapses. The ground feels cold but Stasja is not able to get up.

Tears keep coming and coming, she is completely paralyzed. What is she going to do without her father? Suddenly Stasja realizes that assistant coach Frank Louter is picking her up in an hour to return to Germany. Fortunately the nurses allow Stasja to use the phone. She calls Marja and tells her that her father passed away. Marja says how sorry she is for her and tells her she will explain to Gerrit that she is not coming to Germany.

The funeral

• When they arrive at the funeral home, there are already a lot of people there. All family, but also Joan, Stasja's old coach is there to pay her respects. When Stasja sees the coffin, everything around her becomes silent. She hears, but sees nothing anymore, only the coffin of her dear and caring father. Quickly, she turns her face away, she can't look at it anymore. It's too confronting, it hurts too much. All she can think of is that she will never ever see her loving father again. Her grandmother sees that Stasja is having a hard time dealing with the funeral and grabs her hand. Stasja immediately pulls her hand away. She would love for her grandmother to hold her hand but she doesn't want to appear weak to Gerrit who is right behind her. She feels him looking at her. Gerrit feels it is weak and soft to console each other, Stasja does not want to be a weakling. To keep him happy Stasja shut everyone out during the funeral, even her mother.
• Two days after the funeral, Stasja returns to Germany. They are training 4o hours per week and in between trainings Gerrit teaches them German. Stasja does not care that they do not go to school, she hates school. The trainings in Germany do not go well, especially the morning trainings are tough because it is only Stasja and Simone in the huge gym alone with Gerrit. In the meantime, Stasja reluctantly goes to the training sessions, she doesn't feel like training but she has to. Her right leg hurts, it has been hurting for a while and she told Gerrit a couple of times. He usually believes Stasja as she never complains of pain. This time however he feels that she is whining. "Get on the fucking beam. Every time that whining about that leg, you're overreacting, get on with your training! It's always with a back handspring layout layout that you suddenly have trouble with your leg, that's quite a coincidence, isn't it?" Gerrit is right, it is always with this combination. That is because she lands on one leg, the sore one. It hurts so much but Stasja grits her teeth and continues. In the meantime Simone is kicked out of the gym, a few minutes later Gerrit follows her to the locker room. Stasja knows what happens there. She wishes there was a way to help Simone but she doesn't know what to do and feels helpless. When Gerrit and Simone return to the gym, he is still not done with her. In a cynical tone he tells Stasja that she might as well stop training as Simone is her competition and she is a pathetic loser, and that, even without training she can beat her. Stasja doesn't say anything.
• During bars training Stasja needs to do a Tkatchev. Her hands are sweating, she is scared, she has a feeling that she will fall hard if she tries it, just like Vanessa did. She jumps of the bars to get some more chalk. "What are you doing Kohler!" Gerrit hollers. Stasja tries to explain that he hands are sweaty and that she is afraid to peel off the bar. "I don't care for your excuses, get the fuck back on the bars". Stasja rushes back, she is still scared and tells Gerrit. It is the first time she ever admits to being scared. She hopes that Gerrit will give her a break and again carefully explains how the element should be done. He doesn't. He just stands close to the bar and yells at Stasja to do it, now! Stasja tries the Tkatchev and falls flat on her face, not even knowing how that happened. She cries out, not from pain, but from fear. "God fucking damnid!" Gerrit screams while he kicks the mat that is under the bars. Gerrit wants her to get back on the bars but Stasja refuses. He lets it go but tells her that tomorrow he expects her to do the Ktachev. Stasja lays awake all night worrying.

 

[Kittentoes]

I would like to kick Gerrit's nuts so hard they come out his nose.

 

[Amber]

Injured hip

• Shortly after moving to Germany Stasja's hip starts hurting, especially the pain in her groin is unbearable. Sometimes it hurts so much that she can't sleep, or the pain wakes her up. Gerrit decides that Stasja should see a doctor and they go to the Children's hospital in Stuttgart for an MRI. Stasja is very nervous for the procedure, something tells her that something is very wrong. What if she can never do gymnastics anymore? "I don't have good news" the doctor tells her in German, this Stasja understands. He shows the MRI images and points to some spots. Apparently something is wrong there, she has no idea what it is. The doctor explains that at any moment her hip can dislocate because of Epifysiolysis. He tells her that she needs surgery right away. It will be a difficult surgery and the doctor wants Stasja to immediately start using crutches because her hip needs rest.
• On the car ride back Stasja tells Gerrit that she will start rehab right after surgery. Gerrit however tells her that he doesn't think that she can do gymnastics any time soon, maybe never again. Stasja doesn't want to hear it, she is going to have the surgery and get back to gymnastics right away. She also refuses to use the crutches, she is not disabled!
• When she is home for the weekend the doctor from the Dutch Gymnastics federation visits her. He looked at the MRI and he, and his colleagues have come to a different conclusion. According to him Stasja suffers from Perthes decease. Surgery is not absolutely necessary, she can take a rest for five years and she should grow out of it. Stasja looks at him as if he grew a second head. She is not even considering taking a five year break! She decides to trust the surgeon in Germany, he is a world renowned pediatrician in a great hospital. Her mother tells her that she does not want Stasja to get surgery in Germany. She can get the surgery in Amsterdam and she can rehab at home. She knows however that Stasja won't change her mind.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Legg–Calvé–Perthes disease - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Epiphysiolysis - an overview | ScienceDirect Topics

www.sciencedirect.com

________________________________________________________________________________________________________


Surgery

• Stasja is operated on, in the Olga-Childrens hospital in Stuttgart by a Dutch Surgeon: Horst Dekkers. As there is a 50% chance that she will also develop the problem in the other hip, they decide to also do the surgery on her left hip. "I am going to do everything I can to get your hips back into great shape" The doctor tells Stasja before the surgery. Stasja replies that she want to go back to gymnastics as soon as possible. The doctor smiles and tells her that she has to give her hips time to heal. After a three hour surgery, Stasja wakes up completely nauseous from the anesthetics. Her legs are completely wrapped and they hurt a lot! A nurse approaches Stasja as soon as she notices that she is awake. She ensures Stasja that the surgery went very well. She asks if she want to talk to her mother who is on the phone, she agrees, she is very happy to talk to her mother, it is nice to hear her voice. Her mother tells her that she, her brother Ton, and her grandmother will be in Stuttgart in two days to visit her. She remains nauseous the whole day. In the evening the nurses give her a cup of Thea. Just as she is opening a pack of sugar to add to the Thea, Gerrit comes in. "I would not do that" he warns. "You will not get much exercise so do not eat sugar or anything fat" He informs her that he will talk to the nurses about her diet.
• After a few days her dressings need to be changed, Stasja will see her scars for the first time. At first she is very reluctant to look but when the nurses says that they look good, she finally dares to take a peek. The scar on her right leg is 20 centimeter long, angry red and still stitched up. The scar on the other leg is not that long but also angry red and stitched. She cannot linger long on her scars however, the drains must be removed. The doctor warns her that it might be painful. Stasja screams and screams, never in her life did she have so much pain!

Tirade of insults

• To her great joy, Sven, the German gymnast with the beautiful eyes, comes to visit her in the hospital. He has a large bouquet of red roses with him. A few weeks earlier, he had told her that he is in love with her. Stasja immediately indicated that she doesn't want anything, even though she also really likes him. Stasja thinks it's very sweet of him to bring flowers for her. Later, four other gymnasts come to visit, what a cozy atmosphere! She can even forget for a moment that she now has two ugly scars and that she cannot do gymnastics for a long time. For the first time in weeks, she can laugh again, a wonderful feeling. Sven also brought some treats, a box of chocolates, but she doesn't dare to eat any, so she hides the box in the drawer of her hospital table next to her bed. Five minutes later Gerrit arrives, carrying a large stuffed animal under his arm. However, he doesn't get further than the threshold. With enormous force, he throws the stuffed animal in her face and then turns around to leave. Stasja immediately knows why he is angry. She is wearing makeup, her hair isn't tied back, and she has boys visiting. Because there weren't enough chairs, a few boys were sitting on her bed. Stasja hopes that Gerrit will come back to talk things over, but he stays away for a week. Stasja asks the nurses if he has perhaps called to ask how she is doing, but that is not the case.
• The doctors allow Stasja to leave the hospital for two days over New Year's. Gerrit picks her up to celebrate New Year's Eve with Simone at his place along with Marja. When Gerrit comes to get her, his face is stormy. It is the first time they see each other again after Gerrit's outburst last week. "We first need to go to the gym because the training isn't over yet, but I had to leave to pick you up," Gerrit says irritably. "So we have to hurry a bit," Stasja tries to keep up with him on her crutches, which is barely possible. Once they are outside, she struggles to stay upright due to the many wet leaves on the ground. Her left crutch slips away, she tries to stay up but she can't put any weight on her right leg, so she has no choice but to let herself fall, right into a puddle. People quickly come over to help me up. Gerrit apparently hears some commotion behind him and turns around, but he has no intention of helping her or asking how she is. "Come on Stas, we don't have hours, get in the car quickly." In the car, her leg starts to ache. Stasja tries to ease the pain by changing her position, but it doesn't help. Of course, she doesn't tell Gerrit this. When they arrive at the gym, all the gymnasts ask how she is doing. "I'm doing fine," she replies. She chats with everyone until she suddenly hears a loud shout behind her. "Kohler, to my room, now!" Stasja's body trembles with fear, especially her hands. As soon as she is inside, Gerrit slams the door. She doesn't dare to look at him. "What a vulgar **** you look like, you're 13 years old but you look like you want to be fucked flat" Stasja is shocked by this comment, does she really look like that? "With all those boys on your bed, what a spectacle that was" Gerrit rattles on. He stands with his arms crossed and comes closer to her. Stasja does not want to look at him and turns her face away. "Well, will I get another response?" insists Gerrit, but she doesn't know how to respond and what to say. In the meantime, tears stream down her face. After 10 minutes of silence, Gerrit storms away. Stasja is left alone in the desolate room. She looks at the training schedule and the list of gymnasts with their weights next to their names. She sees that her name is no longer on the list; she has been dropped. She feels so lonely, abandoned, a failure. From her bag, she takes a brush and some hair ties, quickly tying her hair into a tight ponytail. She washes the makeup off her face and walks over to Gerrit. "Better now?" she asks. She receives a pat on the head, and he smiles at her; she immediately feels a little better.

 

[RAFIKI]

When Gerrit comes to get her, his face is stormy. It is the first time they see each other again after Gerrit's outburst last week. "We first need to go to the gym because the training isn't over yet, but I had to leave to pick you up," Gerrit says irritably. "So we have to hurry a bit," Stasja tries to keep up with him on her crutches, which is barely possible. Once they are outside, she struggles to stay upright due to the many wet leaves on the ground. Her left crutch slips away, she tries to stay up but she can't put any weight on her right leg, so she has no choice but to let herself fall, right into a puddle. People quickly come over to help me up. Gerrit apparently hears some commotion behind him and turns around, but he has no intention of helping her or asking how she is. "Come on Stas, we don't have hours, get in the car quickly."

I am so furious reading this.

 

[Amber]

I can imagine, it is infuriating...

 

[QuietColours]

It's unbelievable except that I believe it completely

 

[Amber]

Yes it was bad... I think Simone got it worse than Stasja because Stasja had a bold, really strong personality, and she was the better gymnast, Gerrit wanted her.

 

[CameliasFingerpaint]

What a fucking monster. He should be rotting in prison.