Oke here we go.
First: I am not as good as QuietColours who did a great job summarizing!
Like said before, the book is shocking and vile and what Gerrit Beltman did, and years later admitted, started the abuse scandal in the Netherlands.
STASJA (1984 - 1987)
Stasja remembers waking up to a cold morning, living in a small apartment without central heating and without double glass. In wintertime when she woke up she was always very cold and often rushed to the living room to lay in front of the gas heater.
She remembers taking a walk with her father walking through the East of Amsterdam. They always discussed gymnastics and Stasja always stated that she wanted to be a world champion. She imagined waving to her fans and accepting the gold medal. Her father just smiled.
Stasja is doing recreational gymnastics on Tuesday nights, it is her favorite day of the week and she cannot wait to be back in the gym again. She loves to jump, swing and do cartwheels, gymnastics is al she can think about.
When she turns eight, her parents allow her to give a party. Stasja refuses because her birthday is on a Tuesday and she doesn't want to cancel her gymnastics class.
After class het gymnastics teacher asks Stasja if she wants to train more, Stasja fully agrees! The teacher explains that she cannot do that at her current club but the KDO club in Amsterdam-North is holding talent auditions. Her mother asks if Stasja would like to audition and she enthusiastically agrees.
Together with her brother Tonny, and her mother, they travel to Amsterdam-North for the audition. There are more than 30 girls attending. They have to do strength exercises like rope climbing, pushups and pull-ups on the bars. It is no trouble for Stasja. She is invited to join the KDO team.
She trains 12 hours per week and learns a lot of new skills, like a back walkover on the beam, a layout somersault on the floor and a fly-away from bars.
After seven months the coaches admit that they do not have the skills to advance her any further and they advise her to join Tonido in Amsterdam, one of the best gymnastics clubs in the country.
Stasja is very nervous for her trial training at Tonido. She looks at the other girls and sees that they are much more advanced than she is but she just tries to copy whatever they are doing. At the end of class Bram, the head coach, asks Stasja to join the Tonido team. Stasja is overjoyed and proud, which is celebrated at night with some chocolates.
The Tonido era
Gymnastics becomes the center of not only Stasja's life, but also of her family. It takes a family effort to ensure that the travel from school to the gym is done safely and under supervision, using only public transportation, as Stasja's family do not own a car.
Stasja now trains 20 hours per week and for her it is not enough. On her free Sundays she often spends the day in the park with her dad pretending to compete in big gymnastics competitions, she always wins.
The first competition
Her first competition is on February 22nd, 1988 in Amsterdam. Stasja is very excited, also because the stand are filled with aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews and friends. The competition is perfect for Stasja and she wins first prize. She waives to the stands with a huge grin on her face.
More training hours
After her first competition, het training hours are raised to 25 hours per week and not much later to 30 hours a week. Celebrating holidays, or playing with friends is not possible anymore. The coaches become tougher and much more demanding. She often has blisters on her hands but is not allowed to stop, even if they start bleeding. Often it hurts so much that she is crying, her coaches yell at her to "stop being a baby". Stasja tries to grith her teeth and hold in her tears.
The coaches are also focusing on weight control. After a bad training, Bram, her coach is yelling at Stasja that she is a bad gymnast because he always sees her eat chocolate. After that rant, Stasja decides not to eat candy near her coaches, she also instructs her parents not to give her candy in front of her coaches. She still loves and eats her candy, but now secretly. Her parents comply by hiding candy in her gym bag, taping it to the side of an inner pocket, often also containing a note: Enjoy my darling xxx, Mom!
A few months before her first National championships, the coaches let the gymnasts know that they are going on a 10-day training camp in Nijmegen. Some girls do not want to go but Stasja is very excited to go, as she will again meet Simone Heitinga, a girl that she met at a competition. They hit it off right away and became pen-palls.
Gerrit Beltman
At the training camp Stasja really meets Gerrit Beltman for the first time. He is coaching Simone and is the head coach at the "Wilskracht" club from Alphen aan de Rijn. He stands out immediately as he is by far the toughest coach at the camp. His gymnasts often cry during practice. When one of his gymnasts falls from the bars and hurts herself. Instead of checking up on her Gerrit yells at her that she is useless. He bents over her and yells in her face until she gets up. Stasja is shocked and surprised by the situation and feels very bad for the girl, but there is nothing she can do. The behavior of Gerrit scares her, isn't gymnastics supposed to be fun? Her coaches urge her to ignore the situation and continue her practice but Stasja finds it hard to focus as the yelling, cussing and crying continues.
Gymnastics club "Wilskracht" from Alphen aan de Rijn are holding talent auditions for girls from the age of 7. Mum reads it in the newspaper and asks Vanessa, Simone's big sister, if she wants to go. Two weeks later they go to the audition. At the gym they meet Gerrit Beltman and her mother asks if Simone can join as well, though she is too young. Gerrit agrees.
Simone is very happy that she can audition and tries extra hard, especially when Gerrit is watching her. They need to show a split but Simone never tried it and cannot manage it, Gerrit looks displeased. Vanessa is already doing gymnastics and has no problem performing the split. After the audition, Gerrit immediately invites Vanessa to join. He also allows Simone to join, if she is willing to work on her flexibility. Simone complies and is very happy to match her big sister.
They start training once a week, travelling to the gym by bike, a one hour ride. Both Vanessa and Simone stand out with their long dark hair and colorful bows. Gerrit is very nice and often jokes with the girls, they love him! After a few weeks Vanessa is invited to train with the older girls, though Simone is not as good as her big sister, she is asked to join as well.
Wilskracht Gymnastics club
They start training 11 hours per week, which is soon increased to 20 hours. Vanessa and Simone are the youngest of the group. Gerrit mainly coaches the oldest elite girls in the gym.
During a training they suddenly hear Gerrit scream at the girls in his group. This is very shocking to Simone as she is not used to Gerrit behaving that way. With her, he is always joking and he even let her cut his precious mustache! Her teammate tells her to not pay attention to the yelling and focus on her training but Simone is distracted and sees the girls crying without making a sound.
After practice Gerrit approaches Simone and tells her that he is considering placing her back into her old group as he thinks she is not good enough. He will give her a few weeks to improve herself. Simone decides that if she is placed back that she will quit gymnastics, as she is only doing it to spent time with her big sister.
At the gym they are visited by a dietician who explains exactly what they can eat, and how much they can eat. From that day on, they are weighted every day before practice and their weight is closely monitored by Gerrit.
Parents are banned from the gym, as Gerrit explained to the gymnasts: "Parents are soft, they do not understand high level gymnastics so they are useless here".
There are more and more violent incidents in the gym where Gerrit screams and cusses at gymnasts and often even become physical. Simone feels very bad for the gymnasts but the remains silence and tries to continue her training, making herself as small and invisible as possible.
The first competition
Simone's first competition is in Monster. It went well and after the competition, all the competitors, and the audiences receive a package of banana licorice. The next day during training Gerrit yells at his gymnast for accepting, and eating the treats. He tells the girls that they are amateurs and that nobody will take them seriously. He point out Simoane for also eating her mother's package. He yells at them that they should ashamed of themselves. The lecture ends with additional strength training and more cussing and yelling.
Simone goes on a training camp to France, she is very excited to go to a different country. At the last training Gerrit instructs them to not show weakness. They have to carry their own suitcases, cannot have contact with their parents during the camp. He insists that they are high level athletes and they have to behave like it. No teary goodbyes or cuddling. Though it feels very strange, Simone does not say goodbye to her parents, turns around and walks to the bus.
Vanessa is placed with the top group and Simone is sorry, and a little jealous, that she is not in the same group as her sister anymore. Gerrit tells her that in a few years she should be good enough to go to "Papendal" the place where the national team trains. Simone notices that Gerrit is much tougher on Vanessa as he is to her. It makes Simone secretly happy that she is not training with Gerrit.
After a training Simone, and teammate Sheila are stretching when Gerrit approaches them. "Come with me" he snarls at Simone. She follows him and he pushes her against the wall and lifts her leg. He pushes her leg next to her ear, using his full weight against her. Simone starts crying because of the pain, as she is pushed beyond her limits. Gerrit yells at her to stop crying, and that this is a consequence of her not training hard enough. While stretching her he pulls a bit of skin together and screams at her that she is fat. He then drops her leg and angrily walks out of the gym.
During training Simone is training a back walkover on the low beam. After doing it twice on the low beam, Gerrit decides that she has to move to the high beam. She climbs on the high beam but freezes, she is just too scared. Meanwhile her sister Vanessa falls off the beam, she is bleeding from a wound at her upper leg. She is screaming from freight and pain. Gerrit urges her to get back on the beam to do the move again. Crying and trembling, Vanessa repeats the move and makes it. "Well done" Gerrit praises her.
Simone decides that she does not like gymnastics anymore. But when Gerrit pulls her on his lap after practice and asks if she will join the team on Monday's as well, she complies. She really does not want to because she hardly has time to play anymore, and they already train so many hours. But Gerrit asks her very sweetly and she is honored to be asked so she tells him that she will join the Monday trainings.
Simone soon finds out why Vanessa is always so cranky on Monday. There are no other groups in the gym and Gerrit just let’s himself go. He is yelling and cussing throughout the training without constraint. He is also physically abusive, pushing one of the smaller girls on her back, bending over her and yelling in her face, just for getting the wrong trampoline from storage.
Stay silent and continue
Today Gerrit is mad at everyone. He is cussing, yelling and throwing items against the walls. The gymnasts try to continue what they are working on, knowing that if they don't it can get so much worse. After training Vanessa and Simone bike home. They do not tell their parents what happens in the gym, they do not dare to!
The mental and physical abuse continues, mostly focused on Vanessa. Simone sees how her big sister is often panicked, all the girls feel the intense tension in the gym. She wants Gerrit to stop but she does not know how. In the evenings at home, she often hears Vanessa cry in her room. One evening when Simone is getting ready for bed, she hears Vanessa talking to her parents. They ask her if she wants them to talk to Gerrit. Simone hopes that her parents will decide to take them out of gymnastics. Vanessa begs them not to talk to Gerrit and the abuse continues. Their dad is insisting to talk to Gerrit but Vanessa starts crying that she wants to continue gymnastics and that they should not talk to Gerrit. Vanessa is afraid that Gerrit will hit her father if he tries to talk to him.
Both know from experience that if a parent complains about the treatment that the gymnast will be punished for it. Gerrit often tells them that parent are too soft, useless, spoiling their kids, which is not what they need to be top-level gymnasts.
Simone and Vanessa bike through a severe thunderstorm to go through the gym. They have to bike on very open and flat land where they are the highest point, which is very dangerous but the fear for Gerrit is greater than being hit by lightning. They get punished anyway for being too late for practice. According to Gerrit, being on time is their own responsibility.
Simone is kicked out of the gym, and as it expected of her she waits in the cold locker room until Gerrit comes to talk to her. She does not dare to move. Not much later Gerrit storms in. He runs towards her and Simone cowers away. He screams at her and calls her names. She is afraid to look at him, he is so much bigger than her. Gerrit continues his yelling and Simone is so afraid but tries not to cry, knowing that this will enrage Gerrit even more.
When the days get darker and shorter, Gerrit offers to take Simone and Vanessa home after training. To their parents he states that they need to focus on gymnastics and that he will pick them up and bring them home. Their mother is very happy and thinks Gerrit is really sweet to care about her daughters so much.
Gerrit is being very sweet to Simone and Vanessa when their mother is near, however in the car to the gym, he tells them that their mother is lazy and needs more exercise and that she is looking like hell. After training Gerrit often joins the family for dinner and Gerrit proudly shares the gymnastics highlights their daughters achieved that day.
In the meantime Simone is dreading every day and going to practice. One day during schooltime she is determined to quit gymnastics, no matter how much Gerrit screams at her. The thought cheers her up and for once she is laughing and socializing with her classmates, she does not need to save her energy for training anymore. The one thing she needs to do is convince her mother when she gets home that she really wants to quit gymnastics. She tries to talk to her mother but does not really give a reason for wanting to quit. She does not dare to tell her mom how Gerrit has been treating them. Before the discussion is really over, Gerrit arrives to pick them up.
Surrogate father
On Wednesday's Vanessa and Simone start training on "Papendal" where the National team trains (about a 1,5 hour drive). Both girls are hoping to be noticed, and impress National team coach Ronald Walter. Gerrit picks them up from home. During the car drive they do not dare to talk. "In the car you sleep" Gerrit orders. They always dread the training on Papendal as Gerrit always seems extra cranky. On one occasion Vanessa is kicked out and Gerrit visits her in the locker room. When she returns to the gym she looks panicked and Simone can see handprints on her body. On the way home Gerrit orders Vanessa to sit in the front. Gerrit screams at her all the way home. At one time he is so angry that he stops the car and orders Vanessa to get out. On the dark rainy road Gerrit continues to yell and cuss at her.
When they have days off from school they have additional practices. During holidays they go on training camps. Gerrit decides everything for them and often tells his gymnasts that he is their surrogate father. Simone is honored that he seems to care about them so much, on the other side she feels strange because she has a father and does not want another one.
When they have two practices and no school, they spent the time in between practices at Gerrit's apartment. Simone finds it stifling that they are always with him.
During one practice Simone overshoots a tumbling pass and she hurts her elbow. There is no other coach in the gym so Gerrit instructs the other gymnasts to continue training while he takes Simone to the hospital. Simone feels special that Gerrit cares so much to take her to the hospital. She is also very scared of him so she sits very still and does not talk. The elbow is not broken but just bruised. She is put in a sling and is relieved that she does not have to train fully for a while. During her injury Simone does have to continue training, but a few elements that really scare her, are for now impossible to do, it feels like a relieve. Simone tries to stretch her injury but after 10 days of taking it easy Gerrit orders her to hang on the bars. She lies and says that it hurts, but Gerrit is not listening.
They are at a training camp in Nijmegen. Simone is happy to see her friend Stasja again and hopes that they can spent some time after practice. During the whole training camp Gerrit is very angry and he yells a lot. During a beam training he screams at one of the gymnast, his yelling gets louder and louder. Simone sees gymnasts from other clubs staring at them and she feels embarrassed but tries to not pay attention to what is happening and continue her training.
Alone with Gerrit
It is in the middle of a cold winter. The official training has ended and all gymnasts have gone home but Simone is still at the gym. "Now get the fuck back on the beam and don't get off until you have done it!" Gerrit yells. Slowly Simone climbs back on the beam, she feels very cold. She just spent an hour getting lectured while she was shivering and crying standing on the ice cold locker room floor dressed in just a leotard. Slowly she climbs onto the beam, her body feels cold and stiff. She stands still on the high beam. She has to do a back walkover-back handspring combination but she is too scared to move. Gerrit sits on a mat close by, it is very quiet in the gym. She cries softly while she feels Gerrit's eyes on her. She is exhausted, and so very afraid of Gerrit. After Simone feels darkness clouding her, it is like her mind shuts down, that is until Gerrit starts screaming at her, rushes towards her and pushes her off the beam. Before he can become more abusive Simone quickly climbs the beam and without thinking performs the required combination. Finally she is allowed to get dressed and go home. Simone feels very scared and panicked but also relieved that she survived another training where she is forced to do this skill.
The first evening of the Nijmegen training camp is great! Stasja, Simone and Vanessa spent the night with a gymnast from Nijmegen and they are having a great time! They chat and laugh for hours, discussing boys, make-up, and gymnastics. They jump on the bed and make summersaults. At 21:30, when a parent comes to check on them, they are still not asleep. The mother explains that they have to go to sleep now as they have another tough day of training ahead of them. Simone also says that she want to go to sleep because Gerrit will get mad if he finds out that they were up so late. Stasja wants to continue to have fun but relents. The next day the mother mentions to the coaches that the girls were up late having fun. Stasja notices that Simone looks very scared at Gerrit. Her coaches are also not too happy with the news that they were up late but just look at Stasja shaking their heads. The training does not go well, the coaches are very cranky and yell at her that she should have gone to sleep at the required time. They also have to do additional conditioning as a punishment, the coaches monitor them closely so cheating out of a few repetitions is not possible. The second night is not nearly as much fun as the first night was and they go to sleep at 20:00.
During the training camp Stasja is doing her warm-up next to Simone. She sees that Simone is peeing in her leotard. Stasja is afraid to say anything to her because she does not want to embarrass her, but soon the coaches also notice what is happening. Later Stasja asks Simone why she did not go to the toilet. Simone explains that she is scared of Gerrit and that they are not allowed to go to the bathroom in the first hour of practice. She did not know what to do but also could not hold it.
After the training camp the coaches are changed. They start yelling more and more, it seems that they want to copy Gerrit. They respect him a lot and think he is a great coach. The coaches also get much more controlling regarding the weight of their gymnasts, especially during the breaks on Saturday. They often complain that the parents are providing unhealthy foods with too much fat and sugar. Stasja's cherished sandwich with chocolate paste is not allowed anymore. Parents are also discouraged from watching practices because they are distracting the gymnasts. Only the last five minutes of practice are they allowed to come into the gym to pick up their daughters.
First National Championships
Stasja competes at her first Nationals in 1988. Simone is there as well and is Stasja's main competitor. Simone looks very nervous and when Stasja approaches her to say hi, she just turns around and ignores her. Stasja starts with two perfect routines on beam and floor but makes a big mistake on vault. As every gymnast is allowed to make two vaults, and the best vault counts, Stasja has another chance. Her second vault is much better. Her last events is bars. She had some very bad practices on this event, she just cannot get her handstand under control. She looks up to her father in the stands and he gives her a thumbs up, giving her confidence. The handstand is great and at nine years old Stasja wins her first National Championship. The next day, during event finals, Stasja wins gold on every event. On bars she shares the gold with Simone. Stasja is happy for her friend and does not mind sharing this honor with her.
International competition
After nationals Stasja is invited by the National Gymnastics Federation to compete in several youth tournaments. During the international competitions Stasja is often coached by Gerrit as he is appointed the National Junior coach. Stasja notices that he treats her different than his own gymnasts. To her he is much calmer and nicer. He showers her with compliments and pets her head when she is doing well. He makes her feel special. His behavior to his own gymnasts has not changed, especially Vanessa (11 years old) often receives his anger. At a competition in Germany, Vanessa has trouble performing her double full on floor. She explains to Gerrit that her ankle hurts a lot. Gerrit tells her that she is just making excuses and makes her continue training until late at night, all alone. Stasja remains in the gym as Gerrit is their ride back to the hotel. She can see that Vanessa is crying, she looks exhausted. Gerrit refuses to ease up on her and gets angrier after every try. He stands very close to her and screams at her how worthless she is. After the twentieth try Gerrit again stands very close to Vanessa and screams at her. This scares Stasja as she is sure that Gerrit is about to hit her. During the ride back to the hotel, and during dinner afterwards, not a word is said. After dinner Stasja and Vanessa go to their room to go to sleep. Vanessa is crying, she is extremely unhappy and in pain. The next morning they are woken by Gerrit for training. In the locker room Vanessa already starts crying. She is limping because of the pain in her ankle and Gerrit yells at her to walk normally. She tries but she does not manage to. Gerrit snarls at her that if she thinks that she is getting out of doing the double full that she has another thing coming. The somber atmosphere also makes Stasja cry and makes her mess up her routines, which makes Gerrit even angrier. After practice they go back to the hotel to get some rest before the competition.
Stasja's first International competition goes very well, except for a mistake on beam. Gerrit is pleased as Stasja is by far the youngest competitor and give Stasja a high five and a pat on the back. "Well done Kohler!" he praises, smiling at her. Stasja is very proud of herself but she is even more proud that Gerrit is so happy with her. Gerrit also compliments Vanessa who, according to Gerrit, did very well.
The transfer from Tonido to Gerrit
From the age of 11 Stasja quickly improves her skills on all events. Every National competition she enters, she wins. In the meantime the Tonido club is in trouble. Gymnasts are leaving and the coaches talk about quitting. One of the coaches, Joan, urges Stasja to think about her next move. Stasja want to move to Turning Spirit, a club where it really seems like the girls have fun doing gymnastics. Stasja saw them on the competition floor and the enthusiasm of the coaches and gymnasts appealed to her. Her coach is set against it. She says that the gymnasts at Turning Spirit may have fun, but that it has nothing to do with high level gymnastics. If she wants to continue her career, moving to Gerrit is the only realistic option.
A few weeks later Stasja is invited to a competition in Italy. Joan joins her as her coach. Gerrit is in Italy as well, together with Simone. Gerrit is very sweet to Stasja and gives her a lot of compliments, he is very enthusiastic and even smiles a couple of times, he is a very different Gerrit than he was in Germany. The competition goes very well for Stasja and Gerrit is very proud of her and showers her with high fives, pats on the back and compliments. For the first time Stasja feels at ease near him and she wonders if she should make the transfer to Gerrit. After all the praise he gave her, she does not want to disappoint him.
On the plane ride back to the Netherlands Stasja is pressured by Joan to take a decision. Moving to Gerrit means that Stasja has to leave home, and that she has to go to a different school. Stasja tries to avoid giving an answer but Joan won't let it go, she orders Stasja to take a decision now slaps her hand on the tray, scaring her. With a small, unsure voice Stasja says that she chooses Gerrit. Joan immediately eases up on her and smiles at Stasja " a great decision". Joan explains that she can still become a member of Turning Spirit and compete for them, she will just do her training with Gerrit.
Simone hears her sister Vanessa call Gerrit father, that scares her but she starts calling him father as well, anything to avoid confrontations. They dress as they think Gerrit wants, the cut their hair because Gerrit said it gets in the way during their gymnastics, they behave exactly like he wants them to, anything to please him.
Romania
Vanessa and Simone are on a training camp in Romania. The equipment is very different and both have a lot of bleeding blisters because of the different bars. One training during warming up Vanessa starts crying because the rough floor hurts her blisters. Gerrit complains to her that she is already crying while she is not even on the bars yet and tell her to tough it out. Gerrit is moody so Simone also tries to do her very best as to please him. During bars training she needs to do a one and a half flyaway, landing on her back on the mat. She tries too hard and lands on her neck. She gasps for breath and sounds like a squealing pig. She panics because she cannot get up, it feels like her lungs have collapsed and she cannot stretch her back. A Romanian coach runs up to her and slaps her hard on her back, this helps and her lungs fill with air. Gerrit urges her to get up and continue her training, Simone is scared to do it again but she has no choice. Carefully she does the skill again, landing perfectly on her back.
It is very hot in the gym. Simone and Vanessa have been training for hours and they are hot and thirsty. They do not have anything to drink and Gerrit forbade them to drink from the tap, as it is not safe. Because she is so thirsty, Simone secretly drinks the tap water anyway. Also at night they are very thirsty but they don't dare to ask Gerrit for water. He decides how much they can eat and drink, they feel totally stifled by his control in this strange country and cannot wait to go home.
Even more training hours
After the summer Gerrit decides that Simone and Vanessa have to go to a different school. This new school gives them Monday and Friday mornings off to be able to train. They now spent 30 hours per week at the gym, and even more with Gerrit, he picks them up at 07:00 every morning and drops them off at 21:00. Every day they sit on the couch with dread waiting for Gerrit, hoping he is a no show. When the bell rings they quickly get up and leave. They do not talk as Gerrit is always very grumpy in the morning. At the gym they warm-up and start their training without music, or talking. The only sounds are the sounds they make on the equipment and Gerrit yelling at them what they are doing wrong.
During the morning practices Simone and Vanessa are even more scared of Gerrit, as they are the only ones in the gym. No other coaches and no other gymnasts. He often calls them racial names and regularly tells them how worthless they are. They try to ignore him.
After the morning training Gerrit takes them to school. During lunch break, they go to Gerrit's apartment. Simone associates Gerrit's house with stress, anxiety and fear and never feels at home there, even when Gerrit is not at home. Simone always tries to get invited to a friend's house for lunch so that she does not have to spent time At Gerrit's apartment.
A few girls at school got a perm and Simone wants one as well. She begs her mother, who used to be a hair dresser, to set the perm and she agrees. A few hours later she has a full head of curls. The next day when Gerrit picks them up he says nothing about her hair, he just frowns at her, Simone knows what that means, he does not like it. At the gym he throws with mats, you can cut the tension with a knife. Simone is waiting until she will do something wrong and Gerrit will erupt. They are training on the tumbling track when Gerrit finally erupts, he runs to Simone cussing at her and drags her by her hair over the tumbling track. He screams abuse at her for wanting to be like the rest of the girls and have a perm and asks her if next, she want to wear make-up? Gerrit finally releases Simone and she quickly gets up. Gerrit stands very close to her and screams in her face. Simone shuts down her thoughts and does not hear him anymore. The general gist is that he is disappointed by her gymnastics and that her hair looks stupid. Simone just stares at the ground and softly cries. When Vanessa asks Gerrit to spot her he yells at her that he does not have time because he is dealing with a moron and tells her to do the skill herself. Vanessa is very upset, not only because the skill on the trampoline scares her, but also because of the way Gerrit is treating her sister. She mistimes the skill and falls of the trampoline, landing hard on the concrete floor and hurts her foot. "Goddamned!" Gerrit yells, he blames Simone for the fall. He picks up Vanessa and takes her to the locker-room, to take care of her foot, yelling over his shoulder to Simone "You stay there, I am nowhere near finished with you". When he returns he tells Simone that she is lucky that the injury to Vanessa is not too bad. He screams and cusses at her until it is time to leave for school. That afternoon Stasja joins them for practice, she looks at Simone and compliments her hair and tells her that she loves it.
During a training at Papendal, Simone is not living up to expectations and she is kicked out of the gym. Gerrit visits her in the locker room and pushes her through the room, then he slaps her hard in the face while he screams abuse at her.
Physical violence
Gerrit has focused his anger on Vanessa. He is yelling at her for 20 minutes straight. Suddenly he jumps on her, throws her on the ground and puts his hands around her throat, his full weight is resting on her and his face is close to hers while he yells at her. Simone sees her sister disappear under Gerrit's large frame and she is very upset for her sister. Vanessa is screaming in fright as Gerrit slaps her in the face right and left. Simone is standing frozen at the chalking bin, Inside her, a pressing feeling is bubbling up, which she doesn't know how to deal with.
During a training camp at Papendal, Simone has big blisters on her hands and spends most of the bars training crying in pain but Gerrit orders her to continue. Gerrit yells at her to stop crying and that he goddam fucking hates their nonsense. Joan, another coach softly tells Gerrit that maybe he should check her hands because the blisters look very infected. Simone is very relieved that another coach sticks up to Gerrit for her. Gerrit orders her to continue, after a few turns Gerrit approaches Simone and tells her to show her hands. He sees the infected blisters. "Ok, two more turns, than you can stop bars training for today". Simone grits her teeth and quickly makes the two turns. Stopping bars training early is very exceptional and Simone is very thankful for Joan for her support. That night she royally covers her blisters with cream, hoping that overnight the blisters heal, before tomorrows bars training.
Ignore the pain
During a competition, Gerrit noticed that Simone is looking like a scared bird. He drags her to a small office, throws her on the table and slaps her face, all the while yelling at her that she is intimidated by everything around her. After the competition he tells Vanessa that she can take the next morning off. Simone does have to go to the training as Gerrit is not happy with her at all. Simone is scared to even think about being in the gym with Gerrit, alone.
The next competition is in Como, Italy. Simone is very excited as she has never been in Italy before. During training Simone comes up short on a double back. Gerrit asks her if her foot is bothering her, he seems in a good mood so Simone admits that her foot has been bothering her for a while. Simone usually does not dare to tell Gerrit if she is in pain as he will get angry. Despite the pain the competition goes well and Gerrit is happy with the results. He even tells Simone that the Romanian coach was very impressed with her.
Ten days after the start of the summer holidays, Stasja moves from Amsterdam to Alphen aan den Rijn. Her parents and brother, and some schoolfriends are there to say goodbye to her. Stasja feels horrible because she does not really want to move. Her parent are crying when she leaves, Stasja wants to cry to but does not dare to in front of Gerrit. Stasja is scared, scared of what is to come.
The Gerrit era
During the car ride to Alphen Gerrit tells Stasja that he is really looking forward to working with her. He also ensures her that the school she is going to attend is really good, he knows the school well as he is the gym teacher there. Stasja feels honored that Gerrit wants to work with her but it also scares her, she is scared that she cannot live up to his expectations.
Gerrit takes Stasja to "Ter Aar" a small village near Alphen aan den Rijn. She will stay with Simone. Vanessa does not live at home anymore as she has moved to the National team at Papendal. From Sunday night to Friday night Stasja stays with Simone and her parents. It is very strange to Stasja, the area is so quite and she even can see cows from her window, if is very different from the big City but she adjusts quickly.
On Friday evenings Gerrit takes Stasja home, he is always invited in to talk about the weeks and he enthusiastically tells her parents about the training and all the new skills she is learning. Stasja feels proud that Gerrit is so enthusiastic about her to her parents. She does find it weird that Gerrit seems like a different person when he is with her parents than he is during trainings.
Stasja still wins every National meet she enters. In preparation of the National championships, they have a three week training camp in France. Gerrit, Simone and Stasja travel by car and Stasja is quickly bored by the long journey. When they arrive she sees that their vacation home has a big field in front of it with big hills. Stasja runs up the hill and rolls off, just to get rid of some pent up energy. Some of the other gymnasts follow her lead, the scream and laugh, until Gerrit starts yelling at them for acting like babies. They quickly go inside where they get some soup and a sandwich before being send to bed. They are not allowed to call their parents to let them know that they have arrived safely, Stasja hates this. She often hears Gerrit say that parent are too soft and they only baby their children. Once she even heard him exclaim that a good parent is a dead parent, shocking her with this remark.
Before every training all the gymnasts have to weigh in. Stasja is always worried because she loves to eat candy. She always tries to trick the scale but Gerrit always sees through her tricks. Gerrit is not happy and announces tha he will search their bags as he is sure that their parents gave them way too many unhealthy snacks for the camp. Stasja starts shaking as she thinks about the bag of candy she took, it is well hidden between her clothes but she is sure that Gerrit will find it. When they arrive at their house, Stasja quickly runs to her bedroom and decides to hide the candy in the toilet. She cannot throw it in the trash can as the coaches are sure to check these as well. As soon as she is done hiding her contraband, Gerrit walks in. Without saying a word he goes through their bags. He does not find anything and Stasja is proud that she has been smarter than Gerrit.
After three weeks of tough trainings, it is time to return to the Netherlands. They first go to Papendal for another training. Stasja is very eager to call home, and she knows there is a pay-phone at the reception, but she is scared to get caught so she decides not to risk it. The training is unforgettable. Jerien, another gymnast of Gerrit, injured her ankle. Stasja knows it is serious as she is crying out in pain and does not get up. Gerrit yells that the floor is not good and that because of a bad floor Jerien injured herself. Stasja feels that the extreme training hours are the culprit but she does not dare to say anything. Later they hear that Jerien broke her ankle and is sent home. Stasja feels jealous of Jerien, she is where Stasja really wants to be: at home!
Hours before the National Championships begin, Stasja is approached by a bunch of young girls asking for her autograph. While signing, and taking pictures with them, the group gets bigger and bigger. After signing for a few minutes she hears a whistle. She knows it is Gerrit's whistle and that it is time to go. She hates the whistling, she feels like a dog when he does that but she knows she cannot ignore it or there will be hell to pay. When she approaches Gerrit, he looks very angry. "Get fucking dressed, signing autographs is for after the competition god dammed!" While yelling he slaps the back of her head. Stasja wins the all-round and all event finals. On bars she competes two release moves, the first Dutch girl to ever do that. After her routine Gerrit grins at her and gives her a high five! He is very happy with her and that makes Stasja feel very special.
When she returns home after the competition, her father immediately goes to bed, stating that he does not feel well. Stasja asks him what is going on, he explains to her that his blood pressure is a bit high but it is nothing to worry about. Of course Stasja does worry, she always worries about her family.
Dad is getting sick
Every Friday, after a tough training week, Gerrit takes Stasja home. On one Friday something seems off, even in the car Stasja has a weird feeling. On Wednesday when she called home and wanted to speak to her dad, her mum said that he was just off the bed to get some sleep and her mum refused to wake him to talk to her. When she gets home she immediately walks to the door and rings the doorbell. Het mother opens the door, normally that is something her father does. "Is dad all right?" She anxiously asks. She runs into the house to the living room but her father is not there, she runs to his bedroom but he is not there either. She is now panicked and keeps asking her mother where her father is. Her mother explains that he father is in the hospital but that she does not have to worry because he will be all right.
The next day Stasja visits her father in the hospital. He is unconscious in the ICU and cannot speak. Machines are breathing for him. Stasja does not care, she just wants to be with him and hold his hand. The sight of her father scares her, he looks really sick. The stress and the fear make Stasja really nauseous and she throws up. The nurses ensure her that her father had a good night and that he s doing better. The next day when they go to visit her father is awake and smiles at her when she comes in. He still cannot talk but she is very happy to see him awake.
In the afternoon she is picked up by Gerrit. He talks to her about some competition but Stasja hardly hears him, she can only think about her father. The next days in school she can hardly focus. Every time the phone rings in the school office, she nearly gets a heart attack, she is so worried. Thankfully it is never her mother calling.
Two weeks later he is allowed to go home. He lost a lot of weight and even though he is back home, Stasja is still very worried.
When Gerrit comes to pick her up on Sunday he comes upstairs to talk to her parents. He tells them that he is going to move to another house because he is going to live with his girlfriend Marja. He want Stasja to come and live with them. He tells them that Vanessa will also live with him and that there are some new junior gymnasts coming to train with him who will also live there. Stasja agrees as she think it will be fun to live with several gymnasts in the same house.
After the summer Stasja moves in with Gerrit and Marja. There are four girls living there: Dana, Maura, Vanessa and Stasja. Gerrit states that there is no more room for Simone and she is moved to the assistant coach Frank Louter
The first month that Vanessa is back training with Gerrit, he is very sweet to her. She tells Stasja that Gerrit promised to be nicer when she returned and that she could pick her own skills that she wants to work on. Stasja does not trust Gerrit's promises and is soon proven right. Not even two weeks later Gerrit feels that Vanessa did not train hard enough. He runs up to her, grabs her throat and lifts her up. Vanessa is screaming and struggling but Gerrit does not stop. He lifts her up and when her face is at the same height as his, he spits in her face and throws her to the ground. Stasja tries not to look at the situation, she does not want to anger Gerrit even more. A few second later Gerrit's attention moves to Stasja. "Let's go Kohler" but Stasja is still in shock and shakes so hard that she is unable to perform her beam skill that she is working on. She hurries to the toilet to get a grip on herself and when she returns she does a perfect back handspring, layout step out-layout step out combination. Gerrit smiles at her and compliments her. Stasja is very proud that she makes Gerrit so happy.
Simone does not dare to move and stares to the ground, she has been staring at a hundred times before. She is waiting for Gerrit to come and take out his aggression on her. She has a heavy, suffocating feeling inside of her. She cannot go anywhere and just has to wait for Gerrit and see what he does to her this time. She closely listens for his footsteps, sometimes she has to wait for minutes, sometimes for hours. Finally she hears his footsteps and with a bang the door burst open. Gerrit storms at her, his face full of hate and anger. Before she knows she is flying through the air, to the other side of the locker room. She lands in a heap in the corner. Gerrit again storms at her. The whole situations goes very fast and is full of intense aggression. He lifts her by her throat and spits in her face. Simone closes her eyes and mouth as to not swallow any drop of his spit as it is dripping down her face. All the while Gerrit is screaming abuse at her. She hears herself cry out but it is like she is not in her body anymore. Gerrit drops her and she falls to the ground as he is still yelling how fucking useless she is and how she pisses him off. Simone tries not to listen to him and close off her thoughts. She is barefoot on the stone cold floor trying not to cry as not to anger him even more. By now she knows the drill, a long lecture will follow. It does follow as Gerrit remain standing intimidatingly close to her with hate in his voice. Simone looks down as tears stream down her face, she is shaking. From the cold or from fear, she doesn't know.
Injuries
When the Wilskracht club is chosen as a National Junior training center, Simone becomes Gerrit's scapegoat. It seems that he does not need her anymore as he now has fresh, young, talented girls to work with. Gerrit screams abuse to her day in day out and most of the training she spends in tears. For months Simone has an injured knee, with every jump or tumbling skill she feels a sharp pain. Gerrit took it easy on her for a while but he is out of patience. He wraps a bandage around her knee and forces her to assume full trainings. During vault training Simone runs towards the vault, feeling the sharp pain every step of the way, and vaults. She falls and immediately grabs her knee in pain. She feels the blood pumping and her knee feels very hot. "Pay fucking attention! During your run I already saw you were not going to make it. Get up and do it again" Simone stumbles back to her starting position trying to figure out how to do her vault without further injuring her knee. "Walk normally!" Gerrit yells at her.
In preparation for the National championships they go on a training camp. The first two weeks are spend in France. Across from the hotel there is a supermarket and the gymnasts get permission to go there. One of the coaches accompanies them to ensure that the do not buy candy. They are so hungry but they know they cannot buy candy. Together they decide that they can open a bag of candy at the store and just eat it there. Nobody really dares to but the hunger drives them. The choose a bag of chocolates and Stasja, being the bold one rips it open. They all attack the candy and stuff their mouths. During training camps they always lose weight as they do not get enough food.
The second third week of the training camp is spent in Belgium. Simone is again the culprit and Gerrit continuously screams abuse at her and kicks her out of the gym on a daily base. When she returns after the lecture she is not allowed to train with the other gymnasts and is left training on a free apparatus. Gerrit is not looking, or speaking to her and just lets her fumble around.
Two of the newer gymnasts take example of Gerrit and bully Simone constantly. They exclude her and take every opportunity to belittle and humiliate her. One of the gymnasts is three years younger than Simone and one of Gerrit's favorites. Simone does not dare to push back or defend herself, the daily verbal and physical abuse have left their mark and Simone is completely defenseless. Simone does not know how long she can take the bullying, in and out of the gym. She can never escape it as they are together 24/7. She is extremely unhappy. During practice she still trains separately and she seems to have developed a mental block, she is scared of all her skills and loses control when she tries them. She is panicked, mentally and physically, only 10 days until the National championships.
I don't want to do this anymore
Gerrit has become a lot stricter with the two newer gymnasts who were bullying Simone. Especially the youngest one seems to have become his new culprit. Simone is relieved because they also stop bullying her. After a few months of abuse both of the gymnasts quit. They just stop attending practices. Simone is very jealous. She wants to quit and has already told Gerrit several times but he does not listen and will just drag her to the gym if she does not show up. Simone is stretching on the tumbling track after practice. Gerrit stands about two meters away from her and is tormenting her, for fun it seems. "I don't want to do this anymore" Simone whispers to Gerrit. He frowns and sighs "That is just great! So now I have to go home and tell Marja that you want to quit. Then I have to console her while she cries, as she does every time a gymnasts quits". Simone feels sorry for Marja and knows that both she and Gerrit invest a lot of time and energy in their gymnasts. "Do you want to be the cause of Marja breaking down crying again?" Gerrit asks. That is not what Simone wants and once again she doesn't dare to go through with it.
Excluded
Vanessa is back training with Gerrit. She has changed and seems more relaxed. Gerrit is very nice to her. We are not allowed to live at home anymore as our parents are only distractions that they need to get rid of as they do not understand anything about high level gymnastics. Vanessa refuses to live with Gerrit and sha arranges that we can live with our aunt and uncle, three miles away from our parents.
Things are going downhill with Simone again. She just cannot take it anymore and feels an intense hate for gymnastics and training. Gerrit now has three very talented gymnasts in Vanessa, Stasja and Dana and he does not need her anymore. Simone is very pleased when Gerrit decides that she should train less for a few months. Simone is very glad not to be training with Gerrit anymore but she also feels excluded. She is not allowed to talk to Gerrit's gymnasts and is left alone on a free apparatus without anyone coaching her. It is like she is banned from her family. There will be a training camp in a few weeks but Gerrit already told Simone she is not allowed to go. She doesn't really mind as she does not want to train but she also doesn't know what to do with herself. Outside of the gym she is worthless, and now inside the gym as well. A day before the camp Gerrit tells Simone that he decided she can go but she it will be up to her if she can stay. She needs to prove to him that she deserves to be there. The first day of camp Simone tries her hardest. She wants to be worth something, just like her gymnastics sisters. If she is send away she doesn't know how to get home, as she has no idea where she is. During conditioning she shows how strong she is by climbing the rope, without using her feet, three times in a row. "Well done" Gerrit praises. "You can stay and train with the rest" It feels great that Gerrit is finally proud of her. Simone is also confused, she is happy that she cab train, even though she does not even want to. The alternative however, is being ignored, excluded, treated as worthless, and being totally lost is even worse
After the training camp Vanessa also moves in with Gerrit and Marja. The house is full and she is made to live with the assistant coach Frank Louter. Simone hates it. She knows she doesn't deserve to live with the other girls because she is worthless, but she hates being alone. After the evening training they all go to Gerrit and Marja's for dinner. After watching their favorite soap opera the girls go upstairs to get ready for bed. Simone silently leaves the house to go to Frank, who lives three doors down. She enters the house, it is stone cold and silent, Frank is not there. She goes to bed but cannot sleep. She is scared, scared of burglars, scared of ghosts, scared of being alone. A few weeks later Dana quits gymnastics and moves out. There is a free room! Simone asks Marja if she can move in now. After consideration Gerrit tells her that he does not want her to move in as she needs time alone. She is fine living where she is. Simone tries not to cry and tries not to show how hard this decision hits her.
The next day during training Gerrit screams at her that he wants her to leave. She leaves the gym, goes to Frank's house, packs her belongings, relieved that she can finally go home. She had enough, she cannot do this anymore. When everything is packed she sits on the bed waiting for Gerrit. Her heart is racing but she will have to get into his car one more time. When Gerrit enters her bedroom and sees her packed bags, he is very surprised. He sits next to her on the bed and is very nice to her. "Don't take everything so serious" he says while stroking her hair. "Go unpack and I'll see you at dinner". Gerrit leaves the room and Simone starts unpacking, she had not really expected that Gerrit would allow her to go home. After this day Gerrit eases up on her. Since he is not screaming abuse at her on a daily base, her gymnastics improves by leaps and bounds.
