The Balance by Aimee Boorman

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Chapter 13
  • They were now feeling like Simone just had to stay healthy to make Rio
  • After Worlds they were training at the newly opened WCC
  • Ron and Nellie were growing something from the ground up. Aimee realized she wanted more than being a gym manager developing someone else's gym. She was careful not to overstep her role, and she admits she never directly talked to Ron and Nellie about her growing dissatisfaction there
  • Her husband also wasn't happy at his job, and they started talking about leaving Houston
  • Discontent was about her ambitions, not Simone or Ron and Nellie
  • Evo reached out offering an equity partnership. They liked the idea of living in Florida and had a good visit there. They decided they would give Florida two years
  • Simone had the twisties in early 2016. They tried to make it a non-issue in the gym (besides making sure she had mental health support), and they didn't twist in the gym for weeks
  • Skipped Jesolo because it was unnecessary, not because of the twisties
  • Twistied had passed by Pac Rims. Simone hurt her calf on her last tumbling pass, so they pulled her from finals
  • USAG got a suite for Simone and Laurie to watch the rest of the competition because it would have been too disruptive for them to be in the audience. They got chicken fingers, fries, and sundaes. Sugared up Simone got loud and fans realized she was there and would pass up posters to get signed
  • As the hype ramped up, Simone expressed uncertainty abou the expectations placed on her. Aimee's job was to keep her settled
  • Aimee found herself getting more superstitious about jinxes as Rio approached. After an incidient where she couldn't find a piece of wood to knock on, the GK VP bought Aimee a wood ring to wear
  • No skill was competed that Martha didn't approve. She nixed both a Biles I to immediate front tuck on floor and the double double off beam
  • Simone and Aimee tried to keep the mood light at Olympic Trials while the selection committee was meeting, which probably annoyed the people still waiting to hear
  • A team exclusively of all arounders wouldn't maximize medals
  • She gives an accurate reflection on why Ashton was an alternate, Maggie was skipped, Gabby and Madison were chosen, and Ragan and Mykayla's alternate selection
  • The selected team was whisked away; everyone else was left in the holding area
Chapter 14:
  • Aimee was most excited to meet Travis Wall at the afterparty
  • Preparing for the camp and Rio, keeping Simone healthy through the grueling training process was the focus
  • Living quarters at the Ranch were awful. Moldy bathrooms; dirty, stained carpets; painful beds; poor internet until 2014 (then it was serviceable); food was institutional at best. Athletes usually got a yogurt and then ate the food they'd snuck in. Because she lived close, Aimee cooked ahead of time and brought foor with her
  • Didn't go outside because of peacocks, donkeys, snakes, camels, and wild hogs
  • Remoteness was part of the strategy
  • If there was a serious injury, you had hope a cell call would go through or find one of the two land lines, and the person would have to be helicoptered out
  • Aimee fought to do what they needed to do, not what Martha was assigning them to do in workouts. She wanted Simone to do as little as necessary, as high quality as possible. Martha didn't like Aimee's pushing back, but she did respect that Aimee had gotten Simone to this point. Sometimes Simone would say, "Martha's going to be mad" and Aimee would respond, "You let me deal with that."
  • It made her angry when other coaches said she could only push back because she had Simone, because she'd pushed back before Simone was Simone and faced consequences
  • She thinks she was more able to stand up to Martha because she never met her until she was coaching Simone and didn't carry the trauma of dealing with her as a gymnast. She was scared to stand up to Martha
  • Skills they were training but which they didn't get competition ready:
    • Moors
    • Weiler full
    • Biles on beam
    • Fabrichnova
    • Shaposh half
  • Skills they were working on but didn't push:
    • Biles II on floor
    • Biles II on vault
    • TTY (wouldn't do it because of no one touch)
  • Skills she also had:
    • Triple twist on floor
    • Double arabian (rod floor only)
  • For fun:
    • Standing double back on the rod floor
    • Round of double back on the beam pad
  • In the beginning they'd show up to the Ranch with 7 or 8 passes and Martha would make them pick only four
  • As head coach of the Olympic team, she was responsible for meeting the girls' needs, keeping track of time during one touch, making sure start values were correct, submitting inquiries, and being available to media
  • At the Ranch, Martha was in charge
  • By Rio, Martha's relationship with Simone had improved
  • In an elevator before a meet (not Rio), Simone thought it would be funny to tell Martha she'd forgotten her grips
  • The Ranch was intense, but practices were short. Every training session was in official line up order. Mihai and Aimee were responsible for setting all equipment, because they'd been on the floor at the games. It was very physically demanding of them
  • The coaches send off party with Bela and Martha felt like an initiation and made her feel like she'd been accepted into a secret society of gymnastics
 
Note: Chapter 16 starts to go into the Nassar fallout

Chapter 15
  • At the Olympics, she shared an apartment with Martha, Maggie Haney, and Rhonda Faehn. Aimee and Maggie were roommates, Marta had a large single, and Rhonda had a closet-sized single
  • A female trainer stayed in the athlete's apartments in one of the closet-sized singles. In hindsight, she should have been with the female coaches. The accomodations were approved a year after USAG had first reported Nassar to the FBI
  • Training was regulated exactly like Worlds, so everyone knew the routine. Things felt similar, except for a little more tension between countries
  • The athlete she was most excited to run into was Michael Phelps
  • The athletes stayed in their apartment most of the time, once venturing out to meet other athletes. This was kept a secret from Martha, but Aimee is pretty sure she knew. The coaches spent more time hanging out in and around the Village
  • The initial Indianapolis Star story about abuse in gymnastics broke on the day of podium training. The delegation knew about it, but the response was fairly muted for them--it didn't seem immediately relevant
  • Martha and another coach spent the whole opening ceremony talking about how awful the other countries looked in their traditional outfits. Martha did this everywhere they went, and coaches were constantly apologizing for her rudeness. She was very demanding of everyone, including locals. She was worse in training venues, where she'd just push her way through everything as the coaches apologized in her wake
  • Working with the National Team, Simone had worked with Mas Watanbe when learning her Cheng (they stuck with the Lopez for so long because the warehouse training gym didn't have a pit). They wanted her to have her arms travel in front of her face and onto the table from the side for the half turn, but Simone was quick twitch enough and had good enough technique she didn't need the shortcut
  • Simone also learned her Amanar without a pit
  • During quals, Aimee submitted inquiries for Aly and Gabby on floor and Simone on beam. None were accepted
  • She is very proud of Simone's E scores
  • When she was young, Simone really struggled with execution--it's hard to make exceptional athletes modify what comes naturally to them. Getting technique perfect requires a lot of repetition, good coaching, and laser focus
  • She felt the Russians as a team lacked discipline, throwing tantrums in the training hall, slapping equipment, throwing their grips, and arguing with their coaches
  • Simone was drug tested six times in three weeks after her first Worlds
  • Because Simone was a minor, Aimee had to be present in the bathroom when she was tested, which made it extra awkward for everyone
  • Simone's not a big water drinker during practice, so if the tester arrived shortly after she'd used the restroom, they might have to wait hours for her to be ready. On one occasion, Simone ran to get ice for an injured teammate and the tester lost sight of her. She as almost charged with an invalid test because of it
  • After that, they started doing testing at her house at 5 am, because she woke up for gym at 6. So she got an hour less sleep
  • Aimee believes in the drug testing system, but testing was very disruptive
  • In Rio, she was tested after every competition
  • During that AA, Aimee's worry was injury (for example, that an Achilles would decide it had had enough), not falls
  • Simone's vault gold was the most special to Aimee
  • After Simone's mistake in the beam final, they knew Martha would be mad. Martha didn't show up at the mixed zone and actually left before awards. She cornered them in the dining hall and started to go off at Simone (Simone had been too silly and giggly before competing). Aimee told Simone to take her food and go eat. She'd been rehearsing this confrontation. When Simone walked away, she told Martha playfulness was how Simone got into the zone, and it didn't have anything to do with the error. Martha: We'll agree to disagree. She doesn't remember the full conversation, but she'd rehearsed it enough to know she ended with "If you are not going to congratulate her on her bronze medal, then you have nothing to say to her at all." Martha was outraged
  • It wasn't their job to keep Martha happy
  • There was a sense of relief when the competition was over. They were very tired, and Aimee was feeling sad. Simone was talking seriously about retirement, and Aimee had to tell her she was going to leave
Chapter 16
  • Aimee had told Ron and Nellie that she was leaving some months before, and she told Simone in Rio after the competition ended--she was leaving shortly after they got back to the States, while Simone was on tour
  • Simone asked who would coach her if she decided to come back. Aimee told her anyone in the world would want to coach her
  • Simone was required by the FIG to do the Gala. She didn't want to
  • Rhonda got permission for Aimee and Maggie to stay through the closing ceremonies. They moved out of the village to a regular resort hotel with a private beach. But the girls were stalked by the paparazzi there, and there as very little privacy
  • There was no time off or space to process between the end of the competition and the start of the media whirl
  • Steve Penny didn't care when the athletes were hungry or needed breaks--he wanted to keep pushing about sponsor interactions. Aimee tried to protect them, which made him mad
  • She gives a long list of the engagements they had in 24 hours after flying directly from Rio to NYC to show how exhausting it was
  • Maggie and Aimee got Olympic rings tattooed on their wrists. Rhonda already had them from '84, so she got a small personal tattoo
  • Aimee was not included or invited to any of the Houston celebrations for Simone. She felt invisible again
  • Within three weeks of arriving home, they moved to Florida
  • Several weeks later she sent a thank you to Martha--she doesn't look up to or admire her, but she did learn from her: Periodization for elite gymnasts, how to be discriminatory about skill choices, how to trust her instincts
  • Around this time, Rachel Denhollander filed her complaint about Nassar with MSU. Two weeks later the Indianapolis Star article came out
  • USAG had not informed coaches why Nassar was no longer at camps or competitions. She had noticed he was gone, but had never suspected it was because they knew he was a serial predator
  • When things started coming out, she was afraid she might know a survivor
  • When she finally connected with Simone, Simone apologized for not responding earlier, saying she'd been really sad. It made sense, because she'd been dealing with a lot of change: She was planning retire and grieving gymnastics, and she'd ended a long time coaching realtionship
  • She did not, at this point, have any idea Simone was a Nassar survivor
 
Note: Chapters 17 and 18 deal heavily with Nassar and sexual abuse. Chapter 19 deals with suicide.

Also, at places she gets into a lot of what came out when in correlation with what--everything she talks about is public knowledge, and since I'm focusing on this book and not the abuse timeline, I'm not going to cover too much of that. If you have specific questions, I'm happy to go back and look them up

Chapter 17:
  • She had full say over the gymnastics program and profit sharing from the gymnastics side of the business at Evo (also had volleyball, cheer leading, and ninja training)
  • Outside of WCC, it was the best facility she ever coached in
  • Oversaw the whole program, like WCC, but now she had equity
  • Felt Lydia, who owned the gym (mostly a gym mom who had done Evo as a passion/investment project) gave the parents too much say--every time Aimee or Jason (who ran the men's program) made a decision the parents didn't like, it was an issue. She spent too much time dealing with parents
  • Parents moved from around the country to be part of the program
  • She was invited to the White House visit. When ran moved it indoors, staff were cut for space, but she felt Laurie, as a minor, should have a chaperone and Steve Penny backed her up. The White House obliged
  • Was only supposed to meet Michelle, but Barack and Biden joined them. The conversation felt very natural. During the group picture, she would have stayed out of it but Obama made sure she was included
  • The only friction point at Evo was with parents who thought they were going to get Olympic coaching for their level 4s. They hadn't promoted Olympic results, but people came in expecting them anyway, whatever they started the goals of the program were. She thinks many parents expected a more regimented style
  • Discusses the GymCastic investigation into the Karolyi files in Romania, specifically the allegations of abuse, including an allegation of sexual abuse against Bela. Bela was repeatedly reported as insulting and beating athletes
  • in 2018 Nassar was inducted into the USAG Region 5 Hall of Fame. He has since been removed
  • Talks about coaches and others using their reputation to guard them against abuse claims
  • As new unfolded about Nassar, she occasionally reached out to Simone. Each time she said no
  • Athletes she knew well were starting to come out as survivors
  • In Sept 2018, Aimee released her own story of being sexually assaulted when drunk at a college party as part of #WhyIDidntReport. She hadn't spoken up earlier because she didn't want to distract from the Nassar survivors; she hadn't reported it at the time because she felt people who think it was her fault. Had not told her husband or mother about it. Doesn't know if she was his first or last victim and if she could have protected someone else if she'd spoken up at the time
  • She was getting sucked back into the elite world emotionally
  • She had considered Nassar a friendly acquaintance and a good trainer, and recognizes she was groomed by him
  • Reached out to Simone again after Maggie came out as Athlete A and got a different response. She was heart broken. Simone came out publicly a week later.
  • Constantly asked herself what she could have done to prevent it, what she missed. She watched as many of the survivor statements during the sentencing as she could
  • She felt like she had failed. The focus was and should have been on the athletes, but she says the coaches were absolutely devestated
Chapter 18
  • The impact statements helped her realize there wasn't much she could have done--even if she'd been in the room, it could have happened. The bredth and depth of the problem
  • Tasha's revelation that Penny had pushed her into showing public support for USAG conicided with Penny's arrest for evidence tampering
  • The problems weren't specifically with gymnastics--they were with people, organizations, and culture, a much deeper thing to fix
  • She put out a statement on behalf of Evo about the situation, and she was surprised in the aftermath of everything how few leaders were stepping up
  • Martha and Bela mostly kept quiet. Martha said, "I feel extremely bad. I don't feel responsible."
  • Maroney said, "That's what everyone says, it's not their responsibility."
  • At the end of 2018, Jason left Evo for Yale and Aimee was the only coach dealing with parents
  • Jason had had a group of parents follow him to Evo. They were angry and frustrated that they couldn't follow him to Yale and took it out on Aimee
  • Her goal, especially in the lower levels, was for the kids to have fun, not that they always win. Many of the parents didn't like that. Her goal as a coach is to teach gymnasts a solid foundation and encourage love for the sport. She was having a lot of frustrating, repetive conversations
  • If a kid was talented enough, listened well, and had fun, they would be successful, but there was no point in beating a level 4 into the ground if they didn't win because they'd hate the sport and/or quit. She supported kids leaving becaues they didn't love gymnastics, but if they quit because of something destructive a coach said, too much pressure from parents, or injuries because they were pushed too hard, it was a problem that needed to be addressed
  • Lower levels were getting better over her three seasons there, and their levels 9 and 10 were winning
  • She loved coaching, but she was sick of arguing with the parents. She felt she had earned enough respect to be listened to, and no one was listening
  • She felt powerless in the operations of Evo--profits from her program were supporting the other programs under the umbrella that were losing money
  • After returned from the A Heart of Gold screening, a parent laid into her for not asking the parent's permission to leave for two days and have their kid practice with two other coaches. They demanded a meeting with Aimee and Lydia, which Lydia granted, and they spent two hours ripping into them. The fact her business partner was okay with this didn't sit well with her
  • Parents need a voice, but they also need to respect coaches and other people at the gym. She acknowledges she may not have been the best coach at the time, being distracted by everything she was learning about Nassar and the abuse of athletes she loved, but she can't imagine a professional scenario where this is ever appropriate
  • She decided she would finish the season (about a month) and then leave Evo. She told Lydia she was leaving in May 2019
Chapter 19
  • She is very clear everything in this chapter is shared with explicit permission
  • In Feb 2020, there was a knock at the door from the police. Her middle son had expressed suicidal ideology to his girlfriend, and she was concerned enough to call the police. They asked if her son wanted emergency help and he said yes, so they took for a mandatory 48 hour mental health hold
  • I don't think I can adequately bullet point how she characterizes her kids and how this hurt and how he was hurting. She had no idea he was hurting so much and holding things in--he had always been the kid who was outspoken about how he felt
  • Didn't get the information they needed to visit him until the following afternoon. After the 48 hours, he asked to stay another day. When he was released, they went straight to her older son's therapist's office
  • Much happier to have gone through this than to have lost him
  • In conversations since then, he's told her he wasn't suicidial, but he wanted help and needed to talk to someone
  • Changes were made--they make sure to include the kids in discussions that will affect the family so they can be considered and their lives aren't being dictated to them. Check in with them more regularly. Make sure to include the younger two in her day (at this point, the oldest was already out of the house)
  • Sons are still figuring out what they want to be. They're roughly in their late teens/early twenties at time of publishing
Resources:

88 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
1-800-273-TALK
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

National Suicide Hotline
988, a new three-digit number for emergencies

The Trevor Project
1-866-488-7386
www.thetrevorproject.org

Love is Respect (National teen dating abuse hotline)
1-866-331-9474
www.loveisrespect.org

Crisis Text line
Text HOME to 741741
www.crisistextline.org
 
irichluck21 said:
Yes, in her Gymcastic interview, you could tell there was some pain there about her children and having her miss out on much due to traveling with Simone. She mentioned that she missed her son's birthday several ears in a row because of Worlds.
Click to expand...
The schedule she describes early on (working from 1-9:30ish, and so needing to wake up in the late morning) would have meant she would have rarely seen much of them during the week when they were little--and she almost certainly also coached at least on Saturdays too. It had to be really hard on everyone
 
I remember Kelli Hill stepping back from coaching a bit post-2000 because she was missing so much of her kids' lives.

Of course by 2002 she was back full on coaching elites because she felt the coach she turned elites over to was wasting Courtney Kupets' talents.
 
Chapter 20:
  • Thought she was done with gymnastics
  • Followed everything with #GymnastAlliance
  • Also heard things from coaching friends about trends in the gym–a lot not good, especially when parents got involved. No grace offered to good coaches, coaches scared to do their jobs because their intentions no longer mattered–if an athlete became uncomfortable with a common pain, if feelings were hurt or a parent was upset, the coaches became the target of abuse allegations
  • After she stopped coaching she learned there was a SafeSport claim against her for something she said to an athlete at a meet. "All I could think in the moment was 'Isn't SafeSport designed to protect athletes from abuse? Is someone claiming I abused them because I said something they didn't like during a meet?'"
  • Does take responsibility for things she says and never intended to hurt a gymnast, but feels like the grievance could have been dealt with in a conversation between adults
    SafeSport system bogged down with similar complaints
    Supports SafeSport and thinks both athletes and coaches need protections. Also thinks there needs to be more education on the distinction between abuse and disagreements, and it's a global issue
  • Talks about the situation in the Dutch federation in 2011 where athletes came out with claims of abuse. Dutch federation cleaned house, Beltman claimed responsibility for his actions and apologized–a step many coaches in the US fail to take.
    Athletes have been expected to accept "Do it because I said so" and were not given a voice in their training.
  • While coaching styles may have changed, gymnasts from the past don't feel heard or like they got justice. When the coaches who had had abuse allegations were banned from Tokyo, present-day gymnasts who had not been abused by the same coaches felt like they were being punished over something that had been corrected through other means
  • Aimee was hired as an assistant coach to the Dutch team in 2021. Family was able to travel with her–husband could visit, and the kids spend the summer in the Netherlands
  • Mixed experience–some coaches had come to terms with not going to Tokyo, some fought it to the end. She was there to help the athletes, so she did what their coaches allowed her to. One coach accused her of having been sent to sabotage the Dutch gymnasts and she was only allowed to speak to his athletes only if they asked her a question or requested technical help.
  • It was different coaching a team of adults (youngest was 19, oldest were almost 30). They had their own training plans and no intention of altering them. She was there to help the athletes who wouldn't have their coaches–their support system–in Tokyo and did her best to be a compassionate surrogate
  • The extra year was hard on the athletes, including Simone. She was trying to hang in for one more year: "...didn't come this far to only come this far."
    Dutch and US gymnasts were in the same sub and training facilities, but they weren't allowed to overlap at all to prevent cross contamination. Not allowed to get within close proximity of Simone because of strict distancing policies
  • Very isolated experience. Outdoor activities were cancelled after people started testing positive
  • Got to talk with Simone a little more in the training halls, but they were both there to do jobs
  • Being away from Simone for a while led her to appreciate Simone's gymnastics even more
    Arena felt desolate when they started competing. Thinks it hurt the US team
  • Dutch team was only 11th in quals and only had one gymnast make it to finals. Watched the rest from the stands
  • On July 27, she could tell something was wrong when she and Simone made eye contact. Could tell something still wrong from how she was before vault, and her run was off from the first step of her warmups. Wished she could talk to her and reassure her. When she did her competition vault, she was grateful Simone wasn't injured on the vault. Didn't know if she was injured or if she had the twisties, but there was nothing she could do
  • Didn't see Simone again in Tokyo
  • When Simone was 16, Aimee pulled her from a meet when she was struggling on vault. 8 years later, Simone was able to protect herself with the entire world watching

Chapter 21
  • Went home after Tokyo, but then was hired back to work with the Dutch team at Worlds 2021–federation was firm on not letting coaches go to international competitions until they were cleared of allegations
  • This group of athletes wanted her input and were intent on making a strong showing. Two athletes qualified for finals, but everyone showed up for every practice even after quals.
  • On the day before the AA, Naomi said she'd stay back at the hotel because it was what she was used to. Aimee encouraged her to come to the training hall, she didn't have to do any routines, but some light conditioning and stretching would be good for her. Ran through basics and cheered on her teammates. Next day, finished 5th (up from 11th in quals), the best AA finish at Worlds for the Dutch women.
  • Athletes succeed when included in the decision making process
  • Nominated to become a brevet judge. Passed her test in March 2022
  • 2023 judged Simone for the first time as Classics. As a judge she was watching, not critiquing.
  • Doesn't find it hard to judge Simone objectively–it's just a different way of focusing and evaluating
  • Talks about the complexity of judging–angles, lack of slow motion, how much you have to snapshot and evaluate in your head
  • Ominous start at 2024 Trials, with the series of injuries right as things got underway. Made her more nervous with Simone starting on vault doing the most dangerous vault in women's gymnastics
  • 2024 watched the Olympics from home. Both had FOMO and enjoyed being able to take in the spectacle.
  • Sports just aren't fair sometimes (two-per-country)
  • A lot of play-by-play of Simone (and a bit the rest) of US performance at Paris, but not a whole lot of additional insight
  • Doesn't agree with Simone being deducted for not saluting in the beam final
  • Does not know if Simone will want to compete in 2028–should have more clues in 2026
  • Very quick, non-emotional summary of the floor bronze situation as it currently stands (just a paragraph)
  • Co-founder of upcoming professional women's gymnastics league called GIGA (Global Impact Gymnastics Alliance). Multiple investors and looking into building the foundation. Will use the 10.0 scoring for a high focus on artistry and crowd appeal. Bring more tech to gymnastics so viewers get data on things like speed, height, etc.
  • Kids should stay in gymnastics because they love it. A good coach will find what makes them passionate about hard work and progress. Going to the Olympics is statistically incredibly unlikely. Winning is fun, but not the goal.
 
Afterward
  • Enjoying mentoring and working with a lot of different gymnastics federations
    How do we provide justice to gymnasts of the past while holding coaches accountable for their actions and allowing them to make changes? Feels if abuses were not egregious, coaches should be offered counseling and allowed to atone–have to let change take root in order to have change
  • Important to distinguish between not being nice, being ineffective, and being abusive. Being a jerk is not a crime, demanding discipline is not a crime, setting standards and enforcing them is not a crime. Repeatedly telling gymnasts they're worthless is abuse. Calling belittling names is abuse. Words can leave lasting scars
  • Constant sticking point: High-conflict people is a non-diagnosisable term used by psychologists when describing people who take uncompromising, winner-take-all positions. The difference between contempt and anger. Contempt kills relationships, and that's the dynamic currently being seen in some circles of gymnastics.
  • Some coaches don't belong in the sport. Some gymnasts who have been wronged will not ever be satisfied. Justice system can't always bring closure.
  • Fans–rarely considers is trauma suffered by fans when they rooted for coaches who caused harm and had the rug pulled out. Can make you question what you trusted. Some no longer want resolution, they want revenge. Not the same for them, but the pain is real and can torch an organization.
  • Public support for change has to be fan support too
  • Fix it from the inside
  • Coaches:
    • Good coaching is communication and collaboration
    • Most coaches start to do very habitual things, like an addict, and can have trouble changing when told their rituals are destructive
    • The best coaches are in a constant state of learning
    • Establish coaching rehabilitation programs
    • No place for criminal coaches in the gym, period
    • May need suspensions during rehabilitation; probation for non-criminal coaches
    • Coaches need protection too. Sports are hard, athletes get injured, experience discomfort and pain. Adversity is not the same as abuse, and that distinction is not always made. Gymnasts and parents need realistic expectations and understand.
    • Lots of grey area and nuance in this, which is difficult to work through
    • Stonewalling is never appropriate–it shuts down communication with the athlete and creates an unhealthy environment
    • Education shouldn't be considered–it should be required.
  • Gymnasts:
    • "Why do I love gymnastics?" Get a journal and write it down, and use it when feeling demotivated
    • Reframe the idea of losing
    • Spend less time on screens
    • This generation is much more sensitive to criticism, believes linked to online influence
    • Tell your coaches if something doesn't feel right, if you feel neglected, not heard, or if training is too much for your body
  • Parents:
    • Parents facilitate the relationship and can make or break it
    • Most problems could be resolved with a code of conduct that discourages bad behavior
    • Parents feel they have ultimate authority because they're paying for a service. Most people would find it inappropriate for a parent to berate a doctor for diagnosing a child with an ailment–same mentality should be afforded to coaches
    • The deferential question would be "How do we get better?"
    • Should expect an open line of communication and accountability, but you're paying their gym for their expertise and experience
    • Speak to a coach about kids' bad days with an open mind
    • If you can't start with the assumption the coach wants the best for your child, you shouldn't be at that gym
  • Issues that don't cause immediate harm shouldn't be addressed in the heat of the moment
    Parents who get out of line should be placed on warned and given probation for a second offense
  • Coaches who make lapses of judgement should learn, apologize, and make an adjustment
  • Especially at high levels, there will be relationships between coaches and parents, and it's important to have boundaries. Coaches are coaches first and foremost.
  • Maintaining a close social relationship with every gymnast's family is impossible and inappropriate
  • Excellence doesn't happen at once. For most, it doesn't happen at all. Metric should be if child is having fun, learning, pushing themselves, becoming a better human being. Don't focus exclusively on gymnastics
 
Broad thoughts:

It's a good book! She's obviously taken a lot of time and reflection in writing it, and she works hard to present a nuanced opinion. There are plenty of things she doesn't find nuanced, of course (gymnastics should be fun first, communication is vital, health first, etc), but she does examine issues in some depth and tries to provide thoughtful commentary. There's a definite transition at the end from "my memoir" to "how do we fix the sport," and it's not terribly gradual--it starts in pretty hard about chapter 17. There's general coaching advice and best practices throughout, but the "We have to fix something" corresponds with when she hits Nassar in the timeline.

Overall, I recommend reading it yourself if you get the chance. I'm not sure I'd spend $35 on it, personally--I don't tend to find gymnastics memoirs, even good ones, to have that level of rereadability. If you like to have resources for fact checking on hand, it's definitely worth it for that. But buy the paperback, or pick it up at the library, or split the cost with a friend. I might end up rereading it simply because reading and taking detailed notes isn't necessarily the best way to just absorb and enjoy a book.

There are also a good number of new stories or new takes on things. I think I knew how many of her Tokyo-era skills Simone was working on with Aimee, but I don't think I knew. The story of why Brenna was relegated alternate in 2013 is definitely different then the Steve Penny wanted Maroney in the AA version that the gymternet has circulated for the last 12 years. Fact checking seems to have been a lot more rigorous here than in other gymnastics memoirs I've read as well. I'm sure there are things left out or glossed over somewhat, if for no other reason than she didn't have other people's permission to share, but there was a lot of unique content, and I appreciated that!
 
QuietColours said:
The story of why Brenna was relegated alternate in 2013 is definitely different then the Steve Penny wanted Maroney in the AA version that the gymternet has circulated for the last 12 years.
Click to expand...
It's funny, because the initial story about Brenna getting benched at the time actually was true, specifically she was having trouble with the vault and the training hall conditions. Somehow it morphed into whatever Steve Penny nonsense that was over time. As much as an asshat as he is, can you imagine Martha doing whatever he asked her to?
 
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