Off Balance: A Memoir

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Off Balance: A Memoir
By Dominique Moceanu with Paul & Teri Williams
Copyright 2012

Chapter 1: Sisters

• Discovering Jennifer
  • Having traveled the world, won an Olympic medal, and won a court battle with her parents before she was 17 made her hard to surprise, but discovering Jennifer was a surprise
  • Found out Dec 10, 2007, while 9 months pregnant and about to take her college semester finals–had promised herself she was going to get a college degree
  • Earlier in the week had missed the delivery of a piece of certified mail
  • From day one as a gymnast, she'd been taught to be prepared at all costs, but that day she was unguarded
  • Picked up the letter hoping she wasn't being sued. Instead there was a letter: I've known my whole life I was adopted…and that my biological last name was Moceanu
  • Jennifer was given up by her parents for adoption in 1987. She hadn't gotten the details of her birth and the names of her biological family until she was 16, and then she waited four years to contact Dominique directly
  • "I feel that I have one chance to show you and prove to you that I'm not some crazy person…I'm sure after seeing all of the papers you'll see that I'm serious"
  • Thought back to being six, trying to imagine if her mother had been pregnant, if she hadn't noticed.
  • The girl in the pictures looked exactly like Dominique's sister Christina.
  • Had been an only child until she was 8. Her parents, Romanian immigrants, had struggled to provide her with a better life. They spent every penny on her training, her dad ("Tata") often working multiple jobs. Was a serious gymnast by 7, was regarded as one of America's hopefuls by 9. Receiving her Olympic gold was confirmation her parents' sacrifices weren't in vein
• Call her mom
  • "Did you give a baby up for adoption in 1987?" Silence.
  • Had longed for sibling as a young child–Christina coming home was one of the happiest days of her life
  • "Yes, it's true." Had always been close to her mother and thought she knew everything about her–this created an immediate and sudden distance between them
  • Didn't understand why they would give away one baby and keep Christina
  • Might have expected something like this from her salesman father, but never her mother
  • Both of them were crying
  • Mother wanted to tell and almost did many times, but she couldn't find the words
  • Felt betrayed, angry, sad, deceived, vulnerable
  • Was able to keep communicating with her mother; couldn't bring herself to speak to her father for weeks, knowing he was probably responsible. He'd played a key role in almost all the painful moments in her life
  • Father was an old-school Romanian. Ruled the house with an iron fist. Decisions were made by him, obeyed, and not questioned
  • Clashed with him frequently as a teen, but had never been really angry with her mother like this before
  • Home life had been turbulent at best because of Tata's rage and tantrums, often finding themselves hiding in separate rooms. They were always walking on eggshells. Never understood his rage as a child
  • Things had started to soften at the time she received Jennifer's package. He had had a rare form of eye cancer that shifted the dynamics of the relationship. But all the frustration and alienation returned when she learned this secret
• Her Parents' Stories
  • Father
    • They were very poor and struggled to put food on the table
    • Jennifer was born with no legs, and the doctors said they wouldn't be able to afford the medical bills—they had no money and no insurance
    • That was it–no more details than that
  • Mother
    • She got one ultrasound in the pregnancy. They had no insurance and she had not even seen a doctor prior to that
    • Saw how the technician looked at the ultrasound and knew something was very wrong, but they wouldn't say a word and she left the clinic scared. No one told her the problem
    • Months later, when she went to the hospital to deliver she had a c-section. She was given full anesthesia and woke up with a fog but no baby
    • Father said the little girl had been born with no legs. Mother never got to see her, hold her, touch her, smell her. She wanted to, but Dmitri said they had to give her up and that was that
    • They never looked back because it was too painful
    • He never asked how she felt. It was a horrible time in her life. She cried in the empty streets, and no one noticed.
  • In her family's universe, the story made sense. Her father controlled her mother; she had no friends or family and spoke limited English. She depended on him completely, which was how he liked it
  • Dominique knew she had to contact Jennifer