- Jan 31, 2021
- 472
- 636
It's actually pretty funny
Some great lines:
"The judges were confused. One said, "Artistic." One said, "Tragic." One said, "I need a coffee."
"Everyone clapped and laughed. Vlad The Pommelator stared into the distance, questioning his life. Jimmy Jumpjump smiled and said, “Next year... less falling, more spinning.”
Sure! Here is a 1000-word terribly written story about a pommel horse competition — intentionally bad, as requested:
"Pommel Horse Compotition of Legend and Also Disaster"
Once upon a time there was a big gym place called Gym Place of Big Gymnastics Yes. In this place the floor was bouncy and bars were swingy and the vault was like a wall but not. But the most important thing there was the Pommel Horse, which was not a horse and not a pommel but both.
There was a big competition coming soon called "Pommel Horse Compotition 2025 Deluxe Open" (the sign had a spelling mistake but they leaved it because it looked fancy). Gymnasts from all the places came. Some were from Small Town, some were from Big City, one guy even came from a town called Horseville which was funny.
One gymnast named Jimmy Jumpjump was very excited but also scared because he never done the whole pommel horse routine without falling or doing a split on accident. He trained every day at Gym Place of Big Gymnastics Yes. His coach was Mr. Coach Bobson. Mr. Coach Bobson was very good coach because he said things like "Spin more, fall less" and "Arms like iron, legs like spaghetti" which maybe was wrong but it helped Jimmy sometimes.
Day of Compotition came. All the gymnasts were nervous, except for one named Vlad "The Pommelator" Blinsky from Eastern Country That Wins Medals. Vlad had muscles on his muscles and eyes like steel pommels. He warmed up by doing 700 circles on the horse while also reading a book about winning. People clapped and gasped.
Jimmy Jumpjump felt like a tiny noodle in comparison. He whispered to himself, "I can do this if I don't forget my legs. Or my arms. Or where I am."
First gymnast was Tiny Timmy (he was 7 but he entered by accident and the officials were too confused to say no). Tiny Timmy got up on the horse, flailed, fell off, got up again, fell off again, waved at the crowd, then left with a lollipop. The crowd clapped a lot. Tiny Timmy was now a hero.
Next came Vlad The Pommelator. He stared at the horse. The horse would have sweat if it was alive. Vlad jumped on and spun, circled, flew, maybe even went back in time a little, then stuck the landing so hard the floor cracked a little. Perfect 10.0. Everyone clapped but also was scared.
Then it was Jimmy Jumpjump’s turn. He shook. He sweated. He remembered Mr. Coach Bobson’s words: "Don’t be bad." Very inspiring.
He ran up. He jumped. He landed on the pommel horse but backwards. Oops. He fixed it. He started circling. First circle: okay. Second circle: too fast. Third circle: too slow. Fourth circle: upside down. Fifth circle: falling. Sixth circle: wait he didn’t fall! Amazing!
But then disaster. His foot hit the pommel. The pommel hit his foot. They both argued in physics. Jimmy flipped up, flew in the air, did three cartwheels, landed on his coach. Coach said, “Good effort?”
The judges were confused. One said, "Artistic." One said, "Tragic." One said, "I need a coffee."
Score: 4.321 (bonus points for the accidental triple cartwheel).
Next gymnast was Sally Spinsalot. She was good but then a bird flew in the gym and she got distracted and waved at it mid-routine. The bird liked her but the judges didn’t. Score: 7.0.
Then there was Bob Bobberson who forgot he was doing pommel horse and started doing floor routine on the horse. Crowd loved it. Judges did not. Score: 3.14 (like the pie).
Last gymnast was Greg “Greg” Gregson. He got on the horse. Did one circle. Two. Three. All good. But then his shoelace untied. He kicked it mid-air. The shoelace flew, hit the scoreboard, changed it to "Winner: Cat Video Compilation." Everyone cheered. Greg fell off but was now famous.
Finally, the results. The announcer (who was very confused and maybe had too much coffee) read:
Tiny Timmy ran on stage, lollipop in one hand, trophy in other, chewing loudly. He yelled “I LOVE PONIES!” which was close enough.
Everyone clapped and laughed. Vlad The Pommelator stared into the distance, questioning his life. Jimmy Jumpjump smiled and said, “Next year... less falling, more spinning.”
Mr. Coach Bobson nodded and said, “Next year, maybe don’t land on me.”
And so the Pommel Horse Compotition ended with joy, chaos, some injuries, and one very happy small child.
Moral of story: Sometimes spinning is good but waving at birds is also okay. And always tie your shoes.
If you’d like, I can write an even worse version, or a different “bad” sport story. Just say!
Some great lines:
"The judges were confused. One said, "Artistic." One said, "Tragic." One said, "I need a coffee."
"Everyone clapped and laughed. Vlad The Pommelator stared into the distance, questioning his life. Jimmy Jumpjump smiled and said, “Next year... less falling, more spinning.”
Sure! Here is a 1000-word terribly written story about a pommel horse competition — intentionally bad, as requested:
"Pommel Horse Compotition of Legend and Also Disaster"
Once upon a time there was a big gym place called Gym Place of Big Gymnastics Yes. In this place the floor was bouncy and bars were swingy and the vault was like a wall but not. But the most important thing there was the Pommel Horse, which was not a horse and not a pommel but both.
There was a big competition coming soon called "Pommel Horse Compotition 2025 Deluxe Open" (the sign had a spelling mistake but they leaved it because it looked fancy). Gymnasts from all the places came. Some were from Small Town, some were from Big City, one guy even came from a town called Horseville which was funny.
One gymnast named Jimmy Jumpjump was very excited but also scared because he never done the whole pommel horse routine without falling or doing a split on accident. He trained every day at Gym Place of Big Gymnastics Yes. His coach was Mr. Coach Bobson. Mr. Coach Bobson was very good coach because he said things like "Spin more, fall less" and "Arms like iron, legs like spaghetti" which maybe was wrong but it helped Jimmy sometimes.
Day of Compotition came. All the gymnasts were nervous, except for one named Vlad "The Pommelator" Blinsky from Eastern Country That Wins Medals. Vlad had muscles on his muscles and eyes like steel pommels. He warmed up by doing 700 circles on the horse while also reading a book about winning. People clapped and gasped.
Jimmy Jumpjump felt like a tiny noodle in comparison. He whispered to himself, "I can do this if I don't forget my legs. Or my arms. Or where I am."
First gymnast was Tiny Timmy (he was 7 but he entered by accident and the officials were too confused to say no). Tiny Timmy got up on the horse, flailed, fell off, got up again, fell off again, waved at the crowd, then left with a lollipop. The crowd clapped a lot. Tiny Timmy was now a hero.
Next came Vlad The Pommelator. He stared at the horse. The horse would have sweat if it was alive. Vlad jumped on and spun, circled, flew, maybe even went back in time a little, then stuck the landing so hard the floor cracked a little. Perfect 10.0. Everyone clapped but also was scared.
Then it was Jimmy Jumpjump’s turn. He shook. He sweated. He remembered Mr. Coach Bobson’s words: "Don’t be bad." Very inspiring.
He ran up. He jumped. He landed on the pommel horse but backwards. Oops. He fixed it. He started circling. First circle: okay. Second circle: too fast. Third circle: too slow. Fourth circle: upside down. Fifth circle: falling. Sixth circle: wait he didn’t fall! Amazing!
But then disaster. His foot hit the pommel. The pommel hit his foot. They both argued in physics. Jimmy flipped up, flew in the air, did three cartwheels, landed on his coach. Coach said, “Good effort?”
The judges were confused. One said, "Artistic." One said, "Tragic." One said, "I need a coffee."
Score: 4.321 (bonus points for the accidental triple cartwheel).
Next gymnast was Sally Spinsalot. She was good but then a bird flew in the gym and she got distracted and waved at it mid-routine. The bird liked her but the judges didn’t. Score: 7.0.
Then there was Bob Bobberson who forgot he was doing pommel horse and started doing floor routine on the horse. Crowd loved it. Judges did not. Score: 3.14 (like the pie).
Last gymnast was Greg “Greg” Gregson. He got on the horse. Did one circle. Two. Three. All good. But then his shoelace untied. He kicked it mid-air. The shoelace flew, hit the scoreboard, changed it to "Winner: Cat Video Compilation." Everyone cheered. Greg fell off but was now famous.
Finally, the results. The announcer (who was very confused and maybe had too much coffee) read:
Tiny Timmy ran on stage, lollipop in one hand, trophy in other, chewing loudly. He yelled “I LOVE PONIES!” which was close enough.
Everyone clapped and laughed. Vlad The Pommelator stared into the distance, questioning his life. Jimmy Jumpjump smiled and said, “Next year... less falling, more spinning.”
Mr. Coach Bobson nodded and said, “Next year, maybe don’t land on me.”
And so the Pommel Horse Compotition ended with joy, chaos, some injuries, and one very happy small child.
Moral of story: Sometimes spinning is good but waving at birds is also okay. And always tie your shoes.
If you’d like, I can write an even worse version, or a different “bad” sport story. Just say!
