Landing on My Feet: A Diary of Dreams
By Kerri Strug with John Lopez
Copyright 1997
"For my family and coaches, and in memory of my friend and former teammate Hilary Grivich"
Prologue
Starts with her limping back to the end of the vault runway
Few people knew how often Kerri was pushed into the background
Only choice was to try the final vault–the pain and pressure of one moment were not going to stop her from giving her dream one more time
Wasn't trying to be a hero, was trying to hit the routine of her life
When she fell on her first vault, she turned it badly and heard a severe pop
Said a quiet prayer and told herself, "You can do it, Kerri."
Had written out an assertion for herself that day. "Kerri, you can and you will have an outstanding performance. Show the world how hard you've worked." It was what she always told herself when times were tough
The team had hardly spoken that day, they felt the pressure of the team final so much
The only one to talk at all had been Dawes, who'd forgotten her shoes at the house and needed someone to get them. "I'm not going to be the only one on the awards stand who's not wearing shoes."
Some girls tried to play cards, but they were too nervous
Kerri wore her leo pulled up to the waist with a t-shirt with the Olympic Rings. She got her ankles taped and began stretching and running in place. She got her shins taped–they'd been sore since Olympic Trials. She ran routines in her head, telling herself the key word that would take her through every second of the routines. "Bars: Smooth, straight, stretch, catch, clean, long, tall, stretch, smooth, catch, tight, kick, straight, big tap, swing, stick." She visualized perfect routines for each apparatus
Watched the Chinese competing and saw lots of Y1.5s getting 9.6s. She was worried they were scoring vault really low–vault was key to the team hopes and Kerri's hopes of making the AA
Martha noticed her watching the Chinese and refocused her on her warm up
Looked up at the screen again and saw her friend Svetlana Boguinskaia had fallen on her bar routine
"Kerri, Kerri, concentrate!" I heard Martha say again
"Well, here it is," I told Dominique Moceanu. "Let's hit everything," she said.
Felt that even when she did hit, there was always someone just a little bit higher, a little bit tougher, a little bit sharper. Kim, Shannon, Dom.
"Why didn't things ever work out the way I planned? Why did coaches doubt me? Why did I always compare myself with others? How could I love this sport so much and feel unfulfilled by it at the same time? Why did the worst injuries come at the worst times? When was it going to be my turn to hit everything? It's all I ever wanted. And all I ever planned."
Chapter 1: "Dr. Strug, your little girl has the perfect body for this sport."
8th Birthday
Prepared a list for her eighth birthday party. Kerri always did lists and planning–she liked to plan everything to the last detail. This list was her perfect birthday. It turned out her idea of a perfect day was a little different from her friends, and she took gymnastics a bit more seriously than other people:
2:00: Friends arrive
2:15: Put on Nadia
4:00: Cake and presents
4:30: Play in backyard, party ends
Nadia was her favorite moving–she watched it hundreds of times and already knew it word for word. She watched it getting ready for school, after school/practice, on weekends, took it on vacation. Her family could tell her to turn down the volume and she'd watch it and fill in the dialogue herself
Her friends weren't really interested in the movie. Only one stayed to watch the whole thing and didn't leave to go play in the yard–that one was probably because she shot a look telling her not to go
Hurt and angry her friends didn't understand her love for gymnastics
Liked doing lots of things, but knew she would pass on all of them to do gymnastics
Fell in love with the sport in 1984 and was obsessed. By 1988 (age 8) had been in the sport for four years. She wasn't competing yet,but she'd done some exhibitions. Her older sister's out-of-town coaches thought she had talent and wanted her parents to let her join their clubs too, but her parents thought she was too young to leave home.
Lisa is eight years older. Kerri's gymnastics obsession started when she began copying her gymnastics moves when she was four. Sometimes Lisa would teach her something after practice. Would pretend to be Nadia and Mary Lou. Dad said she was his least expensive child–the only toy she wanted was a leotard, and she never wore out her shoes because she was walking on her hands
Changed his mind after 11 years of coaches, doctors, trainers, and physical therapists!
Parents weren't happy she devoted so much time to gymnastics. But it was her father's dedication, work ethic, speed, and strength and her mother's dance and ballet talent that let her succeed in the sport
Father grew up in New Orleans, grandson of Russian-Jewish refugees. He was born with a fractured clavicle, giving him a much weaker right arm. But he was still voted best athlete in four years running at camp, played baseball, tennis, track, and football (despite being 5'5). Went on to become a surgeon like his father and still plays tennis when he can
Met her mother at a party. One month into the relationship, she transferred college to be near him. Three months later, they were planning their marriage. Her dad to Kerri: If you ever do something that dumb for a boy, I'll strangle you"
Dad was on the front line for the development of bypass surgeries, training six days a week 5:30-22:00, on call 24 hours every other day. He also moonlighted as an ER doctor when her sister Lisa was a toddler and her brother Kevin was on the way
Mom spent her little free time practicing ballet–even studied with the Houston ballet.
Kerri found it easy to identify with the struggles her father had during this time, thinking about all the sacrifices they both made to achieve their dreams.
1976 her parents moved to Tucson to start her dad's practice; Kerri was born the next year. Her dad was working at 5 different hospitals, performing 2 or 3 open heart surgeries a day and working 5:30 AM-8:00 PM. He didn't start limiting his workload until 1996, and he still works 7-7
Dad jokes that sewing is the family talent–one of his grandfathers was a tailor, the other worked in the garment district; his father was a surgeon. "We've all sewn in this family. And you, Kerri, you get sewn."
Scars
Ripped her knee from the top of the kneecap to the top of her shin on a screw doing kips on the back yard swing set
Busted chin doing front flips off a swing in 1st grade
Ran into the corner of the dresser with her forehead
Jammed and sprained wrists and ankles so much that ace bandages are a regular part of the wash
Parents could see the injury trend at an early age and tried her in other sports. Tennis was boring; finished last in her swim race and had trouble finding a suit small enough to fit; liked skiing, but it wasn't very accessible in Tucson. Ballet was fun for a while
Parents kept the living room unfurnished until she was six and the kids used it as a home gym. They were all unhappy when they came home and found out their mother had finally furnished the room
Mom ran all the kids to gymnastics and Kevin to baseball and Kerri to dance. Had to be in three places at once. Kids did a lot of homework in the car; the ringer on the microwave was the dinner bell. But Sundays were family days. Each kid got a Sunday a month to plan the activity, with the parents planning the fourth. Kerri always chose Chuck E Cheese pizza.
Lisa was very successful in gymnastics, making it to the Junior Olympics. She was invited to the National Academy of Artistic Gymnastics in Eugene, Oregon, where she trained under Dick Mulvilhill with Tracee Talavera and Juliana McNamara. Her parents didn't like and tried to talk her out of it, but left for this in 1982
Lisa had been Kerri's idol–did everything together, slept in Lisa's room, had the outgoing, bubbly personality Kerri wished she had. And both Lisa and Kevin were tougher than Kerri, emotionally. Kerri describes herself as shy and reclusive, internalizing everything and never letting anyone outside her family know what she's thinking.
Took Kerri weeks to get over Lisa leaving
Whenever they would visit Lisa, Kerri would bring her to-do lists
Two years later, Lisa went back to Oregon and Kerri got to do a summer camp there
In 1983, Lisa did a summer at Karolyi's. Her parents weren't sure about Bela, but it was what Lisa wanted. Steve Nunno was assisting Bela at the time. The atmosphere was terrific, and she trained with Mary Lou Retton, Dianne Durham, and Beth Pope. On a visit, Kerri was amazed at the skills MLR and Dianne could do, but doesn't remember much about Bela and Martha from the trip
In the hotel and at the gym, Kerri (not yet 7) would bounce around practicing tricks she saw the elites do
At the end of the trip Gisi Oltean, who had defected from Romania about the same time as the Karolyis, told her father that Kerri had the perfect body for the sport, and in Romania it wasn't unusual to send little ones to the gym where they could get a good education and become a top athlete. She wanted them to send Kerri to the Karolyi's. Her dad said absolutely not.
When Lisa was at Steve Nunno's gym in Oklahoma City, Shannon was beginning her career there, and Steve asked the Strugs about Kerri. A year later, Dick Mulvihill tried to convince them to send her to Oregon. Kerri wanted to get more involved–all these people were telling her parents this was something she should try. Lisa was good at gymnastics and Kerri loved it; why shouldn't she try?
She knew what she was getting into–she knew Lisa's career was hampered by injuries and her decision to become a normal teenager. She had had a compound elbow fracture, a stress fracture of the ankle, and a stress fracture in her back. She was in a position to get a scholarship to UCLA, but chose to leave the sport behind instead. Kevin, two years younger, also earned a gymnastics scholarship but turned it down to become a computer analyst
"A social life? Hey, I was shy anyway."
Lisa would brag to her friends that Kerri knew every member of the '84 team and every score they had received
She was already doing stunts that were advanced for her age, she was going to be short (parents were 5'5 and 4'11), she knew what it took to be an elite, and she wanted it
Kerri was 10 years old preparing for the Junior B American Classic. She was working a piked tsuk, then a relatively uncommon vault for a junior (1987), and landed on her head, driving her chin into her chest. She felt a pop and lost her wind
Had been going all out for weeks because Classics was just two months away and being held in her home state. She was training with Jim Gault, the University of Arizona coach, who had recently begun training her and Rose McLaughlin (age 12)
Before that, she was at the Gymnastics Center in Tucson with Ellen Hinkle and Don Gutzler
In most meets, Rose edged her out for first, but she was also one of Kerri's biggest supporters and told her she was really advanced for how long she'd been doing things
Was just starting to do advanced optional routines. Moved to Class III when she was 8 and finished first at states in the 9-11 group
First time she got a 9 from the judges
Gymnastics ladder at the time Class III -> Class II -> Class I → Junior B Elite → Junior A Elite, usually the top 12 and 13 year olds
Kerri was progressing so quickly she jumped from Class III to Junior B Elite the next year (presumably age 9–she jumps around a lot in time)
Could do a standing layout on beam and a double full somersault on floor (double tuck or double twist is unclear)
Mr. Gault was a good coach for fundamentals and proper technique. Kirstin Jones' mother (a gymnast in Tucson and her mother a gymnastics judge) told Kerri's mom that she should get Kerri a top-level coach and thought they should have Mr. Gault come and watch her workout. Mrs. Strug didn't think he'd be interested in Kerri because she was so young, but she started working with him after that
Rose also started working with him. They trained with him three days a week from 6-8/8:30, after he was done with the college team
His technique had a lot of positive reinforcement, which Kerri responds well to. He wasn't tough or mean, but he pushed them; they did excellent conditioning and he was an expert teacher
She'd ask to learn something new and he'd be right there when she went headlong into a new trick
The pike tsuk error was a miscommunication–he thought she was doing something else, and she pushed off too late
Doctor told them the injury was a fractured sternum
Mom fainted–a nurse had to carry her out
Kerri's first thought was "Oh, no. There goes American Classic"
It was her first major injury and came at a bad time
Was told no gymnastics for at least a couple of months. She was back in a little under 2 months. She also missed nearly two weeks of school–could hardly get out of bed
Would roll onto her stomach, slip one foot on the floor, slowly slid the other leg out, then standing up slowly. It hurt to breathe and sneezing and coughing was agony
Out of gym for six weeks; parents thought it would be the end of her career
Kerri was more disturbed by her anger–on the day of American Classic, she made her mother drive her to Phoenix to watch.
First time she saw Shannon (a year older) compete. Shannon easily won the Junior B Classic, and Kerri wondered if she'd ever be able to compete with her. It was her first time comparing herself with someone else, and that turned into a bad habit that was difficult to break
At the US Classic the next year, at 10, she just missed the Junior B team. Being on the same floor as Bela made a big impression on her. She got autographs from the 1988 team
Finally made Junior B at American Classic in Oakland, CA in 1989. She won AA, floor, beam, and bars. She won at regional meets and national meets. First international meet was the 1989 Junior Pacific Alliance–finished 3rd in the AA
Routines got harder and injuries harder to shake off
She always wanted to try new, harder tricks. Moved up to Junior A and won almost everything at the American Classic–vault, floor, and bars–and placed in the AA and beam. First time competing against Amanda Borden and Amy Chow
Trained with Scott Crouse in Fort Worth for a summer on Mr. Gault's recommendation. Met Sunshine Smyth–three years older, quickly became best friends like she had had with Lisa. Also developed a lifelong friendship with Katie Rose, who she met in fourth grade. Katie took it on herself to help Kerri overcome her extreme shyness–always took her to parties, whether Kerri wanted to go or not. Planned to compete in the 1992 OIympics with Sunshine then compete at UCLA together
At 12 and successful, she was starting to think about the 1992 Olympics, and wondered if Mr. Gault had enough time in his busy collegiate schedule to get her there. Appreciated everything he did for her–he was also often over for dinner or tea, drove her home from practice a lot (often stopping for hamburgers). He took a lot of the pressure off of her
Also took pressure of her Mom, Dad, and brother Kevin for driving her. Kevin has never complained about the stress of her gymnastics. Often took her along on his dates to make sure she got to experience the world outside of gymnastics
1990 Dutch Open
Meet where she realized she needed more than Mr. Gault could offer her.
Wasn't getting the intense training she needed–Mr. Gault had been away for a full week before they left for Holland, taking the Arizona team to NCAA championships–they were always his first priority. She understood, but wished she had his full attention
Had to go to Phoenix and train with a coach she didn't know very well
He did accompany her to Holland, but she felt underprepared and outclassed. Many of the Romanian and Soviet athletes were 1988 veterans
Reporters asked her why the US had sent her instead of Kim Zmeskal. She often bit her lip or a callus on her hand in responded she didn't know why they'd sent her instead
Finished 3rd AA, 2nd on bars and beam, 3rd on floor. Couldn't believe it when they hung the medals on her neck. First time she had kids ask for her autograph
Started thinking about how strong and prepared Bela's athletes always seemed, including her sister when she trained there. Kerri had competed at a Zone meet at Bela's gym, and was excited when he complemented her and told her to keep working–and it didn't feel like she was working.
Would stay in the gym after practice conditioning. When training with Mr. Gault, had to be talked into stopping practice. She was only comfortable in the gym–some kids at school had never heard her speak because she was so shy
Told her parents she wanted to go to Karolyi's. Her mother said she was crazy, and her face looked like it had when Kerri broke her sternum. Kerri spent the next few weeks campaigning for this–lists, positives and negatives (she could only think of positives). She wanted to be the best, so she had to train with the best. She was a year ahead in school and making straight As, so they knew she would keep up with her schoolwork. Lisa had gone there so her parents knew what he was like as a coach. Next year she'd be in high school and NCAA rules would prevent Mr. Gault from coaching her. Parents kept saying they wanted Kerri with them.
Finally her father said that if she wanted and was willing to sacrifice for it, they had to let her go
Since the holidays were coming up, she would go to Houston on trial basis and could come home if it didn't work. Kerri had just turned 13. Mrs. Strug talked to Martha and made arrangements for setting up a visit
From that point on, when Kerri left home to train, her parents demanded she have her triangle–the gym, the school, and the host family. All had to be equally acceptable and supportive of the ultimate goal. Home schooling and correspondence courses were unacceptable. She would tell any athlete to follow the same rule–any time she broke it, it nearly broke her
Kerri would stay with Jennie Thompson's family, five minutes from the gym. The school was Northland Christian, a good school that could accommodate her schedule. The coaches were Bela and Martha–the best
For Christmas 1990, Kerri asked for a diary because she knew her mom wouldn't be there for her every day any more.
Petrified and thrilled at the same time; had no idea how much pain and pleasure would come from that point on. That diary and future diaries were like talking to her family and friends–her therapist, psychologist, doctor, and friend
Yeah, I'm kind of inclined to believe Carrol here, honestly. Religious schools that market themselves as accommodating weird sports schedules aren't usually top academic academies
